Listing of my thoughts
1. I�m pissed off because my airline allows the gate agents to wear black turtle necks but not us. They�ve decided now that they want people to tell the difference between us and them. But when we were all telling them that because we had the exact same uniform people would get us confused they didn�t believe us. They actually believed that the passengers would notice that we were wings and they wear name plates. Ok they didn�t so they gave them a black turtle neck to wear since they have to stand in the jet ay a lot. But of course they didn�t think that I have to stand at the door and say hello 600 times a day. Hello, do they not get that I would look so much better in the black turtle neck than that blue shirt. Ok I hate to sound so shallow but I would feel better at work if I felt better in how I looked.
2. On Friday I flew with Eddie. I haven�t spoken to him since our friendship break up almost a year to today. I knew he was going to be on my trip from hell and I though about swapping it. Ok I tried to swap it but I couldn�t so I was nervous all day Friday. But it went fine. And I think things happen for a reason. We had such a great time on our trip. We talked and he informed me that he�s leaving at the end of January to move to Los Angeles. He�s going to try to be an actor. In some ways I think it�s the craziest thing in the world to do. A 37 year old man with no acting experience quitting his job to pursue a career that 99% of people fail. But then I respect him so much for following his dream and quitting this stupid job. I wish I had the balls to do that. He told me that he regretted writing me the letter because he lost a friend but that he pretty much feels the same way. I didn�t argue with it. I just said fine and wished him luck on his new career. It�s weird to think that if I had swapped that trip I would have never seen him again. Things happen for a reason.
3. JAB and I are at odds about this house. He wants to stay and I want to move. I want a modern house. I want to have modern things like the tub and shower in the master bath. The big master closet, the nice closets etc. JAB wants those things too but he wants to stay as close to the city as possible and there�s no way that we can afford what I want in the city. I think, being almost 36, I�m ready to leave the city. The city used to represent Gay life. That was before that I realized that I�m not a part of the Gay life. The Gay life, in general doesn�t represent someone my age, my figure, and my race. So why should I stay in it and have a house that�s going to need about 50 thousand dollars in repair to make it what I want. It took us 3 year to put in the hard wood floors. Is it going to take 3 years to fix my bathroom? I understand JAB�s point of view. We are 4 miles away from midtown, which is Gay Mecca here in Atlanta. He�s never lived that far away from it. Moving his was a big adjustment for him and I understand. But I want something different now. We don�t go out that much and when we do I�m not sure if it�s really worth it. We have very few Gay friends and the one�s that we have we see about once a month. We can still do that. JAB thinks that we�ll have to do all the driving because they�ll never want to drive and see us. My response is if they won�t drive and see us then what kind of friends are they. This idea of moving is becoming such a point of contention that we barely spoke yesterday and when we did it was filled with sarcasm and resentment. I don�t want to live that way and as I told him, I know if he decides to move out of town then I�ll know I�ll have to pay for it. I�ll have to hear about how long it takes him to get to work and how there�s nothing here but chain restaurants. But we�ll have a nice house that we won�t have to look at everyday and think �one day we�re going to fix it.�
4. Lastly. Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. I wonder if people, especially people who are not Black. Do they get the importance of it? Is Martin Luther King as much a hero to them as they are to me? Eddie and I were talking about it with this pilot and we informed him that Coretta Scott King has always been very supportive of the Gay community. But she�s never talked about in the Gay community. At least not here. It�s sad to me because I believe that if Dr. King was still alive he would be fighting for a lot of Gay rights also. He was a man that wasn�t only fighting for people of color but fighting for injustice. A lot of people call him a pacifist but he wasn�t. A pacifist is someone who doesn�t want conflict and Dr. King jumped into the conflict. In fact when he was killed, he was in Memphis to help with the sanitation worker strike that was going on. The majority of those workers were White. So to end this for tonight, I would like to leave everyone who reads this with this quote. When I was 10 I was a Dr. King fanatic and I posted this on my wall.
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Not quite sure how I measure up but I�m trying hard.
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