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...The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. BtVS

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Sunday, Feb. 13, 2011
This is a hard birthday for me. Not just because things are crashing around me financially but it's my birthday and I'm alone. A lot of it is because of me. Because of the lifestyle that I choose to live. I don't know how or when I ended having no friends to speak of. No close friend who feels that it's important to want to spend time with me or take me out to dinner.

Yes my staff gave me gifts. My remote staff gave me the most. But it's not the same. I don't know if they don't know me or they know me too well.

JAB has to work. I get that. I usually work on his birthday but I always have something planned and a small gift. JAB didn't give me anything for Christmas. This year my parents and bought him an IPOD. Not that I think that a gift warrents a gift. I have family memebers who never give me Christmas gifts but JAB I just expected more. Not for Christmas but for my birthday. He knows how defeated I feel and he tells me that he started calling places to make reservations for my birthday "last week" and couldn't find anything. He says he has something planned "later" I reminded him that I like things on my birthday. My parents are doing dinner for me next week because they assumed I would be doing something today. Maybe I am. Maybe JAB is going to call me and tell me to get dressed and be ready to go.

He's known me for almost 20 years. He should know that my birthday is in a crappy part of the year. If Valentines day falls on a weekend then it's all good but when it falls on a Monday then he knows or should know that he has to plan early.

Am I asking too much. I have already planned activities for his birthday next month. I know JAB loves me but he just doesn't know me.

1:19 p.m. :: 0 comments so far ::
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