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Looking at honeymoon pictures from a friend at work. I wish that I could just let go and come out. I realized that because I�m closeted to my family and at work that I have very few pictures of JAB with me. He has pictures of me I have pictures of him but very few together. I want to preface that I�m not self-hating or anything. I�m Gay. It is what it is but why. I know at this point in my life if not for the fact that I am Gay that I would have kids by not. Just one because I don�t think my life would be that different and I could only afford 1 child but I�m 42 and I have left nothing to leave this earth. People have written books and created associates but I�m just here. Would coming out help this feeling that I have. I don�t know. I wish that I could write about children, or sunny vacations but I can�t . Our life right now is very dim.
We have hired 2 new interns. High school interns and I think about how I was an intern the summer before college. I was happy and bright. I also think that these 2 kids could be my kids very easily. I�m old I feel very unsure of myself and I hate that this is the way the rode is taking.

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