40

As my 40th birthday approaches (14 days to those who may want to know) I find myself filled with some much sadness. Where I�m at now is not where I imagined where I�d be. MY mom tells me that God has me where I should be. When I hear that I think am I being punished for being Gay. Are all my liberal thoughts that have conflicted with my conservative thoughts finally coming to the surface. I have a lot to be grateful but the older I get the more I realize that at some point and time I will be alone. I�m an only child. I�ve never wished for siblings not really but I know that especially after my Dad�s illness that one day I will be alone. My parents especially my Mom gives me so much comfort. She�s a Mom and one day she�s going to be gone. The reason why I didn�t want to continue this is because I feel like I�m such a downer and I�m not growing the way I should. I�m in this catch 22 where I want people to read and respond and give me advice but that�s not realistic especially since my desire to write about positive things, or life in general is gone. All I want to do know is yell that I�m unhappy and please someone tell me how to fix it.

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