Merry Christmas

Ok a day late but the thought is there. I�m trying hard to get over my depression or anxiety over Christmas. My parents came this year and I decided that next year JAB and I would go there for Christmas and they would come for Thanksgiving.

It�s been so long since I posted that I�m not even sure what I�ve written about. We lost the house that we wanted due to someone not needing a contingency. I was really depressed over it because I�m having this fear that this house will not sell. The house needs work but mostly it�s cosmetic and I think that it�s a pretty open pallet. Our realtor seems to be pretty confident that we�ll start getting bites after the first of the year but I�m not sure if he means it or is he just doing his job. Then it irritates the hell out of me that he�s sort of cute in that nerd way and that makes it hard for me to be as mean and demanding as I want to be but then I think about how our last realtor wasn�t attractive at all and not nearly as nice as this realtor and I couldn�t be mean or demanding to him either.

I can already tell that this is going to be one of those rambling posts so hold on. I took my parents home today and even though they were only here for 40 hours I feel like I need time to decompress. This may make me a bad son but I�m not sure why they have to stay over since they live 45 minutes away. I often pick them up and take them to the city and then take them back home. I love my parents but I�ve always needed my space. I�m glad that they�re gone and that unlike 3 years ago I don�t have to worry about them getting back to the Pacific Northwest.

I wish that I got along better with my Dad and I realize now that a lot of it is me picking on him because he gets on my nerves. I hate that I feel that way. I love my Dad he just annoys me so I annoy him to keep him quiet. Does that make sense? I need to work on that because more and more I see how old my Dad is getting. He�s 73 years old and time goes by so fast that I need to appreciate him.

It�s weird to me that this is the first time in 15 years that I don�t have to worry about Delta and going to work. I could never do better than getting in on Christmas Eve and going back the day after Christmas or the day after that so if I were still at Delta I would have to go to work today or tomorrow. At my present job I have tomorrow off and I will be off Monday thru Thursday of next week which is cool.

I�m a little upset because a friend at work a friend who I had decided to tell that I was Gay disappointed me. Now I know this is going to make me sound shallow. I get it now but� Ok this is really the first time I had to deal with getting someone a gift who wasn�t a very close friend or relative and it really drove me crazy. She dropped some hints on what she was going to give me. She would ask me thinks like.. Do you like Kenneth Cole or Cole Han? Stuff like that so I figured that she was going to give me a gift certificate from one of those places so after struggling on what to give I decided to give her a $35 gift certificate from Lane Bryant. Actually for a brief second I thought of going up to $40 but honestly I couldn�t afford. I gave it to her on Thursday and she gave me mine on Friday but I didn�t open it today. I saw that it was a $10 gift card from Borders. I realize that I shouldn�t give gifts to receive gifts and I realize that she didn�t have to give me anything but I get a better gift card from the person who pulled my name in our secret Santa thing at work. How can I say that I think she was being cheap after we went shopping the other day and she spent 150 at Lane Bryant which gave me the idea to give her the gift card. I know I need to get over it but it seems like I never get the advantages that some people get. I�m not going to get whiny but sometimes I feel like I take time to get people what they want and what they like and she gives me a gift card from a place that I told her I don�t even love. I�m actually a Barnes & Nobles person and I told her that the books I get are usually hard copies and usually run me about $20. I wasn�t telling her that to get a gift card it was just in conversation. I�m planning to do my Thank You cards for my gifts in a few minutes and I know I need to give her one but it�s not going to be in my heart because I thought we were a little better friends that that but I guess I was wrong. I�ll get over though. I just hate telling people because at this point I don�t have a lot of friends period.

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