Angry

I�ve been thinking about this all day. I had an epiphany. Ok maybe not because I feel that an epiphany should be something life alerting and really this isn�t. This week my job is having one of those state wide conferences. Some of it is boring some of it is pretty interesting. This conference is held in a hotel near the airport. I mean really near the airport. We�re right off the runway. During breaks I would sit outside and look at all the planes take off and land. I looked at our, (ok see I�m using our like these things still belong to me but I digress.) I looked at the General offices. I felt strange, not sad or happy, just strange.

As I was walking back to my car I saw two Delta employees walking towards me, I remember that Delta shares some parking with the hotel where my conference was. When I saw them, and their Delta ID, I became angry. I was angry that I had to sit in my car and calm myself down. I realized that all I wanted was to stop flying with Delta for a while. All I wanted was to work in the general offices and do training or supervision. That�s all I wanted and Delta told me over and over and over again that I couldn�t. I feel like Delta�s whore, they wanted me for what they wanted me for. I was good at serving cokes to people but I wasn�t good enough to go into management. There were/are people who are in management who don�t have the educational background that I have; they don�t have the personality or the work ethic. But they were �better� than me. Now I�ve had to leave and start over. I had to take a 20% cut in pay to be able to do something else that I could have done at the company that I gave 15 years too. I�m so angry with them. I have to get passed it but right now I just want to go over there and yell and scream and tell them how they not all gave up on a great employee but they�ve fucked up my life. Everytime I applied for a job and they hired someone who was just �a little more qualified� than me they took away my self esteem. Everytime they made me wear that uniform knowing how much I hated wearing it and how much I hated �serving� people, I feel like they�ve taken years and years from my life. They ruined my Christmas, They ruined my Thanksgiving and I let them do it in hopes that one day I would worthy to do something that 70% of the flight attendants didn�t want to do.

I hate you for what you�ve done to me but most importantly I hate myself for allowing it to happen. I will never be the same person ever again.

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