Random thoughts

Piper from Charmed.

Ok I know I need a real life and need to get away from my female sci-fi addiction but I thought of this line and I thought that how I feel. I feel like someone, not sure who is telling me that it�s time to cut Delta. I know that part of it�s just my ego. I want to say that I�m over and I�m done with it but there�s another part that�s afraid. I know that there�s life away from Delta. I know that I can live without Delta but it�s that security that I�m afraid to let go of. My plan was to stay with Delta as long as I could. I would get free flight benefits and the security to know that if all hell broke loose at my present job I could go back. But the thing is that I don�t want to go back. I�m very broke right now. I�m made more during my poor months at Delta that I�m making now but I hated my job. Yes at times I read other�s diaries and hear all the great things about being a flight attendant. I read about Flight attendant movies showing the exciting lifestyle of being a flight attendant and think what if I�m just in a funk. I could go back and have the life of an exciting flight attendant. But at this point. I don�t think I want it. But then again I realize that decision making is not my strong suit. For example. When I went car shopping a long time ago I looked long and hard at an Infinity Q45 . I loved the car. I really did. It was unusual looking and it drove well but it didn�t have a warranty. My car that I decided to buy didn�t drive as well but was nice and had a years certified warranty so against my better judgment I went with the other car. Of course nothing went wrong with the car for the first year but after that all hell broke loose with it. I see Q45 now and wish that I�d bought the car but my insurance would have been more. But in hindsight who the hell cares. That�s why I feel like I can�t let go of THE DELTA. Because what if I�m wrong? What if these past 3 months have just been ok and the month after I quit I�m going to hate this job and go back to wanting to be a flight attendant. I can�t see that happening but what if. Why can�t I call someone down to answer the question for me?

A big part of it is that my parents use my travel benefits more than I do and for some reason they have sat in first class more than I have and I work the for the company. I know that they enjoy the flexibility but I�m tired of trying to keep up with Delta, trying to drop trips or call in sick when I could just be through with it. Again my luck is that for years I heard about people who had no problems dropping trips or getting leaves but me. Know I get the most hours I�ve ever been awarded. And no one is in the mood to pick it up.

I was having a conversation with JAB during dinner and I said that I really want a stress free life. I was telling him how there�s some stress you can�t avoid so why deal with the stress you can. I really want to avoid the Delta stress but I�m afraid. I�m tired of being afraid. I just want someone to come down and give me an answer. Volunteers are welcome.
Oh and to make matters worse. I read this today via Carmige and I had a bunch of flash backs. For the majority of you who problaby don�t know, being the only Black child in a school is not fun a lot of the times, ok most of the times I cursed my parents for all the times they put me in those 99.9% white catholic schools. All I can say is� Just Damn. This is 2005 right?

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