Stuck
For two nights in a row I had airline dreams. Both nights I dreamt that I was still working for Delta. I was on a trip where we the service was never ending and I felt the pressure of knowing that I had about 50 more rows to go. I used to have these dreams all the time when I was still working for Delta. It stopped for a while and now it�s back. Does that mean something? I was/am very close to turning in my resignation. It�s too hard to keep up with what�s going on with Delta and what trip I have to drop and how many times I can drop a trip and still concentrate on the job at hand.
I admit that a part of me thought that when I left I would go someplace better where I made a lot more money. Well the opposite has happened. I�m making a lot less money and I�m having a hard time budgeting to live like I did when I was 25 years old. I told myself that I would look for a job again until I�d been at this present job for over 6 months but I�m not sure anymore. I can say that I don�t hate my job. The politics and stuff get a little hard but so far I haven�t really been a part of it. It�s just the money. I planned on trading in my car and getting a cheaper car but I�m told now that my car is too upside down. I just can�t afford the payments anymore.
For a little while I actually thought about going back to Delta. Just saying that, writing it hits me in the stomach. I don�t want to. Yes there�s a part of me that thinks that it would be such a step backwards for me but in a lot of ways it�s knowing that I�m a slave. There�s always a joke about the airline business saying how you can never leave. The golden handcuffs. I see that now. I don�t want to go back. I really don�t like the job anymore. I like the fact that I can be five or ten minutes late for work and no one knows or seems to care. I like the fact that I can have lunch when I want to. I love that I know when I�m going home and when I have to get up. I don�t have to worry about a pick up time or riding the employee bus to the airport. I park my car and within less than 5 minutes I�m in my cubicle. I like that I can play music at work. If I�m bored I can go and talk to someone else. I don�t feel like I�m the big ugly duckling at this job. I�m not surrounded around a bunch of people who tend to talk a lot about the gym or how their bodies work. If I could only get a raise but that doesn�t happen with the government. At least not for five years.
I�m so stuck right now. I just want the answer to fall in my lap. I�m tired of the struggle.
The only good thing, well not the only good thing of course, but it seems like Charmed as been renewed for one last season. So my TV watching of The L word and Charmed will be good for another year. See I can be positive.
My Weather
