I want to scream

I�m so tired. I�m so sick of the world we live in today. I�m sick of people only wanting to comment on subjects that are safe. Here�s my issue. JAB and I have a tradition. We eat out every Wednesday. It�s hump day. The day was great because I snuck out of work early so I could go shoe shopping. Yes I�m a shoe fiend but let�s move on. JAB suggests that we try this Gay owned and themed store. It�s called the Boy Next Door. Before I hated going in there because I thought they were over priced and the quality of the clothes weren�t great but JAB said that he heard that they�d gotten better. So after a nice meal and a nice bottle of wine we stopped by there. As we were getting out JAB got a phone call concerning work so he stayed outside. I know how much JAB hates shopping so I figured I�d go in and do a couple of sweeps so when he came in I�d be ready to go. I walked in and the stereotypical GAY person is behind the counter. He looks like every Abercrombie and Fitch catalog model. Not my type but hey. To each their own. He looks up at me and is about to say Hi but what comes out is �What did you need today�. I, the fool that I am thinking that this is a welcome and I say that I�m looking for some shoes. He says to me �I don�t think we�d have anything in your price range.� I looked at him thinking that I�m wearing a pair of choose that I regret to admit cost about 130 dollars. (I know but I told you about the shoe thing). I told him to repeat what he said, he put his hand on his hips and said that there were security cameras in the building. I looked at him and said �good for you.� JAB came in and asked me what I�d found. I was very close to tears at this point and I told him I wanted to go. The salesman, seeing JAB there said hello. JAB asked what was wrong and I gave him a quick synopsis. JAB said, allowed �this is bullshit.� He went to the salesperson and asked if the situation had happened. The salesman apologized and said that a lot of people come in who are homeless. (Now please not that I literally came from work. I drove home and JAB was waiting in the driveway so I never went inside the house. I was dressed for work. My work badge is on my belt. I was dressed in business attire. JAB told the salesman that he was full of shit and that he was going to report this to the Gay newspaper here in ATL called Southern Voice. The salesman apologized to JAB saying that he didn�t realize I was with him. JAB explained to the man that it wasn�t the point. I just stood there. I couldn�t say anything I wanted to yell and cry and run and buy the most expensive piece of junk I could find in that store, �cause that�s what I usually do. You think I can�t afford it. I buy it (hence the $130 pair of shoes I had on today). JAB said let�s go and we left. I got to my car and we cried. We both cried. We�ve never done that before. He apologized but I told him that he had nothing to be sorry for but that the damage had already been done. I�m tired of Gay people. If I went to Macy�s or Neiman�s or wherever there would be Black people working there. They have Black people who go to their stores but in the Gay community 80% of the community here is White. I�m not trying to be mean or cruel or stuck up but I went to college. I traveled the world even before I became a flight attendant. I read every night. I can discuss probably any subject known to man. I have a two parent household. I�ve been in a relationship for almost 12 years but it�s never enough. I�m never enough to the majority of White Gay people who are in this world. I get to hear how I�d never date a Black person or how I�m not a dinge queen. I hear Gay people tell me all the time that I speak so well. What the FUCK do you expect? I fucking double majored in college. But that�s never enough because I�m not White. I�m so tired. I just want to leave here and move to a place by myself and never go outside. I�m pissed that people in the Gay community have no problem saying how the Black heterosexual community/churches doesn�t support Gay rights but in a major Gay city I would be asked for two pieces of ID where the White guy won�t. What am I supposed to do? Just take it? Knowing that to 90% of the Gay community I�m invisible. I am nothing. I am something that they wish didn�t exist. If I were a shade or two lighter and called myself Latin then I would be accepted. I�m so sick to my stomach right now. I just want to scream.

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