Pretty Low

Sometimes I do things that I�m ashamed of. I do things that at the time seem right and just but in the end it makes me feel ashamed of myself. I was told a couple of weeks that my sick leave was getting a little excessive. So I couldn�t call in sick for 6 months. I thought that compared to some people that it was too much but I had no choice but to deal with it. Well all last night and this morning I just couldn�t go to work. I couldn�t stomach it. I couldn�t put on that uniform and spend 3 days with people that I had nothing in common with. I couldn�t spend 3 days doing nothing but serve, chastise, rinse and repeat. I couldn�t do the mindless small talk with my crew. I just wanted to be home. I just wanted to quit. I couldn�t do it. So I called my airline and told them that my grandfather had died. I have to admit that I was convincing, tears and all they felt bad for me. They told me take as much time off as I needed. But in the end I felt dirty. I can�t keep running. I can�t keep feeling this way. I don�t know what else to do but I�m very disappointed in myself right now.

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