Moving On

It seems to me that people seem to be moving on from this thing called blogging. Two people who I�d listed as reading stated today that they were closing down their sites. One person is saying that he may have guests enter things and the other is just saying that it�s time to move on. I don�t know why this is bothering me. I know that at times I have not been the most dedicated poster, I�ve even thought about closing mine down for a while, but I feel like that I jumped on a boat that has already done its tour across the bay. The trip is over now, get off the damn boat. I always seem to catch on to things a little bit too late. Maybe this is just the revolving door of diaries/blogs. Who knows?

For some reason I�m getting the feeling that JAB is tired of me. He says that he�s tired of always being the blame for all of our arguments. I also think that part of it is that his new best friend Ellen provides him with so much that I can�t or won�t. I�m not a talker. I don�t want to talk about nonsense all day long. That�s why even though I like her as a person and she�s very giving. She gets on my nerves. There�s not any substance with her. I�m not saying that she�s shallow but after a while I need something more. There have been so many times when I�ve thought that I wanted to leave JAB that I don�t know how I would feel if he wanted to leave me. Of course my ego would be bruised but there�s also a part of me that would be grateful that the decision had been made. I�m pretty sure that after this I wouldn�t be in another relationship again. I�ll never say never, but at my age and where I live and the fact that I�m not involved in the Gay community the chances are pretty slim. I think I�d be ok with it because dealing with a relationship is extremely hard. I also think that because of traits that I picked up from my mother�s side of the family. I may not be well suited for a relationship anyway. I may be overreacting as I tend to do often but there�s just something different between us. I wonder sometimes if we�re going to flow into a relationship where we are just roommates. I�m not sure how I would feel about that. Again part of me would be ok with just going out to dinner once a week and then going to our separate corners which is what we do anyway but then what about all of our joint bills et all. There�s nothing I can really do it about it but wait and see.

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