MAD AT MYSELF. AGAIN
which is becoming my favorite reality show. I was sad to see that Troy
and Kwame
had to go up against each other because they, in my opinion were the best looking people of the two and I had a very erotic dream about the both of them a couple of weeks ago. But as I always say I have strange types when it comes to men.
I enjoyed a bowl of cake and ice cream. I can admit that it was sugar free ice cream but the cake was all sugar. I�m a little depressed because I�ve made one of those stupid mistakes that I tend to make. I lost my wallet. I looked everywhere for it but couldn�t find it. I got a new driver license today and then called all of the credit cards. I convinced myself that it was ok. I would get a new wallet. Almost like it would be a whole new me.
I went to the bathroom and there on the floor, underneath my recent delivered International Male catalog was my wallet. I�m so pissed off at myself. Actually not as much as I was before but just irritated. I think that this is a lesson. Since I�ve had this stomach thing I�ve been letting things go. I don�t know what I�m going to do. I feel better sometimes and then an hour later I feel like I�m going to throw up. I�m going to make another appointment with my Doctor and demand that he does something. Some sort of test or something. I can�t life my life this way. Then again can I? If I have no choice I will have to live my life this way. I�m sick of myself right now. I�m sick of this diary being a place that I whine and complain. As I always say. TMB is like my older white brother who happens to be bald and attractive and I read his stuff and think why? I�m a double major. I majored in English but why is it that I�m so excited when I see the red that says that he�s updated. Why is that at 36 being one of the older people in my buddy list, the whole diary actually, why is it that I can just be who I used to be. Light, carefree. Full of insight and humor. But instead I�m just drowning in self pity. The bad thing. It�s not even interesting self pity. I have to work on myself. I�m almost 40. It�s time to grow up and get a real grasp on who I am. I don�t know if people change much after the hit 40. I remember Oprah saying that she got in her stride at 40 because she knew who she was and at 50 it just confirmed it.
I don�t know if I know who I am.
On a personal note, Jesyka I tried to email you but it came back. Email me at the link to the left. I check it everyday that I�m home.
My Weather
