ODD DAY
I don�t know how I feel about this. I do want to feel better at any cost. But I don�t want to be labeled a diabetic because that means that I have to admit that I am becoming my father. The next thing you�ll know I�ll have to stop wearing contacts and go for the big bottle glasses. Of course I don�t mean that. I do but that�s not the problem. I�m upset that I couldn�t beat this thing with diet and I know that I didn�t try my hardest. I didn�t give up sugar completely. I still had to have my Arby�s milkshakes and I drink high sugar mixed drinks. Of course it�s not too late. I can stop all of these things but will I.
When I told my parents my mom�s first thing was, �they blame everything on diabetes now.� Which made me think that maybe my Dr. just couldn�t find anything and just made that up. I am feeling better and I do seem, (not to get to graphic) to go to the bathroom more. SIGH.
Oh well life goes on. I had a quick meeting with my therapist yesterday do to most part my last entry. To a lot of people, especially JAB, she doesn�t do me a lot of good but to me I like her a lot because she�s no nonsense and she doesn�t let people waddle in self pity too long. She listened to me and how I felt and then she flat out said. �I understand, I think you should kill yourself.� I was at first shocked and she went on to tell me what I knew from the beginning. I don�t really want to kill myself because if I truly did I would have done it by now. I want to be heard and I want to have it acknowledged that I feel like shit and I�m tired of feeling like shit. Which is what she did. She let me know that what I was feeling was ok but that the responses to it were wrong. She always shares stories of her other patients. The first time I went to her she asked if she could share some things about me with other patients, she made it clear that she would change so much about it that you�d never know who she was talking about. Of course I don�t know if she does that or not but it makes me feel better. Anyway, she told me about a woman who in November she lost her husband in a car accident, in January her daughter died of one of those meningitises. In February her son was diagnosed with testicular cancer and two weeks ago she found a lump in her breast. She asked me how I would react and I said that I thought I would be at the edge of my rope and wouldn�t know what to do. She said that she had the same reaction and that she so many times just wanted to jump on a plane and run away but she didn�t because she knew that she had to live for other people which may not be the most important reason to live but it gets her through the day which I guess is healthy.
And finally to finish off my strange day. I�m a night time shower. I don�t shower in the morning unless I know I�m going to have a hard day at work or unless I�m doing something special. So about 30 minutes ago I took a shower as I was drying off my private area I saw a grey hair. A grey hair in my private parts. I was just amazed at first and then quickly cut it out. I don�t have a grey hair on any part of my body but there???? Just a strange couple of days.
My Weather
