A Somewhat Morbid Entry.

I�m not sure why I haven�t been in the writing mood. I guess it happens. I just haven�t had much to say. Actually I�ve had a lot to say about a lot of things but I haven�t felt like actually writing it down. This is when I wished that speech to text or whatever it�s called really worked�well.

Just a real quick update. Thanksgiving was very nice. This is the first time in almost 14 years that I haven�t had to get on a plane and go somewhere for Thanksgiving. It�s also the first Thanksgiving that JAB and I have spent together. Which was also very nice. Besides that things are pretty normal except that I�ve been having these weird chest pains lately. I really don�t think it�s my heart because my heart was checked out about a month and a half ago. I think it has something to do with my stomach and indigestion or heart burn or something. I need to go to the doctor but I�m sick of doctors. That�s not really true. I don�t like the hassle. I like my doctor but it�s impossible to get in there. Usually it takes at least 3 weeks which means what�s the point of making an appointment. Then again if I�d made it 3 days ago then I would be in sooner that if I make it tomorrow. I think one of the things I�m afraid of is having one of those test where they put the tube down your throat. I have awful gag reflexes and just the though gives me the shivers. I understand now that they put you to sleep or at least make you woozy. I�m just not looking forward to it.

The next thing that I�m not looking forward to, which I haven�t done yet, is this flu shot thing. I had decided that since I was officially diabetic now I should get the flu shot but I�ve always had a fear of getting sick from the shot that supposed to keep you from getting sick. I have NEVER (KNOCK ON WOOD) had the flu. I�ve never had a flu shot. Now that may mean that I�m just lucky or it may mean that I should just leave well enough alone. My parents are really pushing me to have it done, especially with all of those people dieing in Colorado. But those are kids. I�m not a kid. I don�t know what to do. I could very easily call my doctor and probably slip in there for a flu shot and then some how tell him that I�m having chest pains that I believe is related to some stomach thing but knowing my doctor he will make me take an EKG which I don�t think I need and then I will throw off everyone�s schedule just to find out that it�s nothing too important. The thing that kinda bothers me about this pain is that I think I�m a little bit short of breath but I don�t know if I�m really am or am I just thinking that I am. I guess if you never hear from me again, you�ll know that I was totally off base and should have gone to the emergency room.

Ok I guess that�s not too funny. At least it shouldn�t be. It has been a question that I�ve wondered about though. No one knows that I have this diary. I don�t know if I�d want anyone to know about this but if something were to happen to me I�d want to few people who read this to know that I�m not just being lazy. I wonder how people deal with that. I know once I was a member of a Yahoo board where the moderator died in a car accident. About a month after the event someone came on to report it. I need to give explict instructions to JAB what to do with my computer if I should die unexpectantly. But JAB has so few computer skills that I don�t know if he would understand what to do. I don�t know why I�m feeling so morbid right now. It happens sometimes but I need to change the subject because I�m getting a little melancholy. But I don�t really have anything else to say.

Ok on a somewhat happier note. I finally saw a new gay show from beginning to end. I saw the rerun of It�s All Relative. I didn�t hate it as much as I thought I would but I wouldn�t say I love it either. It�s a added touch that this guy from work told me that the two guys are actually dating in real life now after some one of them stole the other from someone else. I don�t know either character enough to know who was who but at least it added another dimension of personal sleaziness to the show.

I just don�t care for Gay shows. I don�t really like Queer Eye, I hated that dating show and Queer as Folk bores me to tears. I can deal with Will and Grace in small doses. I get my Gay fix from TLC shows like What Not To Wear . I love that show. Even more than Trading Spaces and While you were out. Even though I still have a huge crush on the guy who hosts the show.

Ok I�m done now. Good night.

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