DEATH

I wasn�t going to post tonight. I was tired and pretty much just vegging reading some of the diaries and I was getting ready to go to bed when I decided to click on to someone who is not on Diaryland but I got hip to from Thom. This blog owner is very entertaining and I have really enjoyed reading his stuff. Anyway, his father has been ill for a while and he died today. It just hit my hard for some reason. I don�t know this person. I just started reading his blog about a month or so ago but I�m brought back to the realization that my parents are going to die. We all are. I realize that and I realize that it�s the way nature is. Our parents should die before us; but it still sucks. I remember so one told me once that no one will love you like your parents do. And I think it�s so true. I remember when my Grandmother passed away. It was such an awful ordeal because she became ill while my parents were visiting me and it was too late for them to get a flight back home and we stayed up all night. We were getting ready to go to the airport when they called and said she had died. I remember how my mother, who at that time was in her early 50�s just collapsed. We talk about it all the time and she says how even though my Grandmother was 90 plus years old and my mother had been on her own for years and years, she still misses her. She still needs her mother. My Dad�s mother died when he was 18. She had a massive stroke. My Dad still gets emotional when he talks about it. JAB�s mother died 10 years ago and he says that he still wants to pick up the phone and tell her things.

I guess I�m just a little nervous because I�m in that age range and so are my parents. I always had this fear that they would never move here. I was so afraid that the month or week or day before they were going to move, they would die. Now they are here. They�ve been here for 3 months and I see how sometimes I �m falling back into old patterns where I take them for granted. I don�t want to go out there on the weekends because that�s JAB and my time. When I go out there I don�t really want to stay too long because I travel so much I just want to be at home. But this death. The death of a stranger is going to stick with me. It�s my personal wake up call. I have to fit them in more. I�m going to have to realize that even though my time is precious their time is limited. Yes people live to be 90 and I could die tomorrow but� this bullshit isn�t worth it. I need to be home more. I need to get out of this job and get on with my real life. Being a flight attendant is not real. It�s not normal. People are not supposed to be away from their love ones so they can serve people who can�t or won�t say thank you. Life is so short. These people who I have to serve don�t respect me. They don�t like me. All they want is for me to be at their beck and call. Last night I could have been with JAB but no I was in a hotel room alone. Watching TV. I can�t even say that I was at a conference or doing something worthwhile. No things have to change for me. I see the writing on the wall.

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