SUNDAY
JAB pissed me off today, not in an I�m real pissed off way but just in a way that makes me wonder about our relationship and what I�m truly looking for. My cousin wants me to go to Florida with him again next month. I don�t really want to go but I never go on vacation anymore so I said yes. I went downstairs to tell JAB and he asked me why I was going since I didn�t have a great time the last time. He then said that he wanted to spend time with me. I laugh at that because JAB and I don�t spend a lot of time together at all. He works 6 days a week and like today JAB cleaned all day and I watched TV. He cooked dinner and we ate together and then he went back downstairs and I watched more TV. I asked him if he wanted to go down to the bar for a drink and he said no. So I�m thinking, why is he giving me guilt trip about wanting to spend time together.
I know that one of the things that bothers JAB is that he wants to go somewhere on vacation but the problem with vacations for us is that I have to hear the whole time before how hard it is for him to get time off and how tired he is because he can�t just take the days off he has to fit everyone in before and after. Then I get upset because I have to plan everything. I plan where we go, I find the flights, I find the hotel and I find stuff for us to do while we are there. It ends up being a lot of work for me. I know that I�m being selfish but sometimes going somewhere is more work than it�s worth.
I watched this show today on Showtime called, Freshman Diaries.
It made me really nostalgic for college. I really miss college. Of course I wasn�t out then and I was living this lie but I feel like I was living. I don�t know if people in college realize the fact that those years are probably the last years of freedom. All you have to do is go to 3 classes a day. Study 3 hours a day and you�re done. I really enjoyed my college life even though I�m not sure if I really enjoyed it as much as my memories. I remember Thursdays really being hump days and pretty much always having something to do and people to do it with. One of the girls on this show said something that made me think of myself. She was a military brat like myself and she said she realizes that emotionally she doesn�t connect to anyone because she�s used to moving around so much. I think I�m that way too. I�m not sure if it�s for the same reasons but I do know that I could do more to increase our social life. I just don�t.
JAB just came up here and he just stares at me. I don�t get a lot of the time what he wants from me. It�s almost 12 am and it�s like now he wants to talk. I�m so tired of hearing about his problems. That makes me sound like such an ass and I�m not but I hear the same things all the times and the majority of his problems he did to himself. Just like all of us but like all of us. We don�t want to hear that.
Oh well next week is another week. Actually a busy week since everyday I have something to do for the whole week which is actually a good thing.
My Shingles is getting better but as I always, all those side effects for the medicine that are listed on the bottle. I�m getting them. Hate it. I�ve been dizzy and nausead all day today. But I only have one more dose to take and I�ll be done. The pain is still there but hopefully it will go away.
Ok I�m off to shower and go to bed.
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