THE COMPLEXITY OF ME.

I got such a sweet email from my secret not so secret admirer. I wish at times that I was single because he�s such a great person, at least in the email form. He said that he was really worried about me because of my last entry. I guess the thing is that I am a complex person. I�m not sure if that is the right word for me or not. I think in my mind I had a some what complex upbringing. Not bad, but just so different than most people. I think being an only child brings that out because I spent a lot of time around adults. Now I had a lot of cousins who were my age but in general it was me, and my parents. Now that being said, I don�t think that my parents treated me as an adult or anything. They didn�t include me in serious family issues but I definitely grew up around adults. Sometimes I think that�s why I�m so serious because I saw that as being an adult. I do have fun and I love fun things but as my cousin once told me, if given a choice between going to a strip club and sitting around having drinks and revealing deep dark secrets. I would choose the latter. I�ve always loved having drinks and just talking about life. My life is complex and it times I�m ok with it and other times I�m not. But even though I�m sure a lot of people view me as a sad basket case who sits around moaning about my life. I�m really not. In general, I�m happy with myself and all of my hang ups and questions. I can�t ask much more than that.

I had a very interesting experience on my flight today. This passenger was sitting in first class and because we had deadheaded (fly to a destination as a passenger) to Kansas City I wasn�t too tired so I gave what I consider un-normally great customer service. Well this guy who I didn�t really notice, a lot but continued to give him red wine, came to the galley and told me how nice our service was. I get kind of embarrassed and uncomfortable with that because I hate the idea of me being a server. I did what I usually do and say thanks and walk away to some unknown destination. But when I came back he was still standing there. We talked about Kansas City and how much he hated it there and his stint in the military. He then out of the blue said, �You know I �m gay, right.� I said no. He said, �Well I am.� I didn�t know what to say, so I said something stupid like, �good for you.� He then told me that I was the first person he�d come out to. I again, didn�t know what to say. So for once I said nothing. He told me that he had been married for 3 years to a lovely woman but he knew he was gay and thought that maybe he could just forget it. But he ended up having some torrid affair with his next door neighbor. He gave me a lot of the details which at first was kinda hot until he got to the part where his wife and mother in law walked into the garage while he was giving his neighbor a blow job. The thing that was interesting was the fact that he now has to rebuild his whole life. He was now a different person. He was now a gay person. A person who is gay. He told me a lot about his first time at a gay bar and how he hated it and how he was now trying to find dates on the internet which I kinda steered him clear of. But it was just a very interesting conversation that I enjoy having. At the end of the flight while we�re doing the whole good by thing he comes up and hangs me and tells me thanks. It was a feeling that did suck.

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