The fit of my uniform pants
For the past couple of years I�ve heard of this flight attendant John. I heard he was older, much older and that he was lecherous. He was supposedly married and had kids but told another flight attendant that his son was so hot he wants to fuck him. Yes that is what he supposedly told another flight attendant. Well having been here for so long I know a lot about rumors, urban airline legends and down right lies. I have been a victim of 2 out of the 3 so when I hear things like that I keep the information filed away but I usually try to keep an open mind. Well Sunday John was on my trip. He is about 5-3 and if my math is correct he is between 60-65. My airline went through a period where they were hiring older flight attendants in hopes that they would either die off or just stay for 4-5 years. My airline was thinking that this was a good idea because they wouldn�t have to pay a retirement because more than likely they wouldn�t stay the required 10 years to get the retirement. So even though John is 65 he�s only been flying for 3 years and is very close to being furloughed. Anyway I met him in briefing and he seemed like a very nice old man. He talked a lot, the way old people do, but I didn�t witness any of the things that I had heard. I have to admit that at first I was a little hurt. Why wasn�t he trying to hit on me? But that passed pretty quickly. During our 12 hour day on Sunday he talked a lot about his wife, his 6 children and how much money he had saved up and his previous jobs. By the time we were on our way to San Juan I was just sick of him and all of his stories. I figured that all of those people made up stories about him because he was very, very annoying. Not a right thing to do but after spending time with him a little understandable.
Well about an hour before our landing John is telling us why he decided to be a flight attendant. The funny thing is that no one asked him he just volunteered it which is also one of those things that bug me. We he�s telling us that he is sitting on a United Air Lines flight to Paris and �quote I saw this very handsome blonde male flight attendant, he was very, very handsome and I was just drawn to him. I decided right then and there that I wanted to be a flight attendant.� I thought the story was a little odd but John was a lot odd so I just chalked it up to just an old man rambling.
Skip forward about 55 minutes. We are on our final approach into the San Juan area. I am sitting in my jump seatreading E.Lynn Harris� biography and John is sitting across from me. He asks me if I lived in Atlanta. I told him that I did. He asked me if I had heard of a place called Flex. I had heard of it but I didn�t know where. I kept asking him why I would have heard of that and then it hit me. FLEX is a bathhouse in Atlanta. I told him that I had heard of it but I had never been there. He then said, � I go there.� I didn�t know what to say. My mind is racing. I�m thinking why is this 65 year old man with 6 kids and a wife going to a bathhouse. Well the answer came quickly when he asked me another question.
John: Can I ask you a personal question?
Me: You can ask but I may not answer. (nervous chuckle)
John: Do you wear boxers or briefs because you�ve been sporting a major bulge the whole trip. I was thinking this morning. I wished I could sport a bulge like that.
Me: You�re just being silly. (Nervous laughter now)
John: No really. I would love to have a bulge like that.
Writers note: My uniform pants fit like balloon pants on my because I have a strange shape and our uniform pants are made weird I have to get a bigger size to fit my butt and my thighs but I get the pants altered in the waist. So my pants are pretty baggy. Most of all of the male flight attendants have the same problem unless you are a size 28 or 29 and pretty skinny. So there is no bulge.
Luckily for me we landed at that point and by the time I made the �Welcome to San Juan� and went to the bathroom to clear my head. The boarding door was ready to be opened and we got to say our good bye�s to the passengers.
I told JAB about it and he was disgusted. I don�t think that I�m one of those people who think that your sexual drive dries up after a certain age. I guess I just expected a little more refinement. I could never see my Dad who is only 2 years older than John or my Mom who is only 2 years younger having this conversation. I then thought about his wife and his 6 kids. Do they know? Do they care? Why is it that the older I guy the more married men who are looking for something a little extra I come across? Or maybe I just attract freaky people. Maybe I am just too rigid. Am I not as opened minded as I profess to be? I just hope that my life doesn�t turn out like his; where I�m going after guys half my age with stupid pick up lines. I know there must be a lesson to this story. Life is full of them. I just can�t get this one.
My Weather
