Update

I had an opportunity to see one of JAB�s client's houses. Or I should say condo. He�s always talking about this guy and his condo on the 22nd floor that over the city. Well it was nice. It was really nice. I like the layout of the condo more than I like the d�cor. It looked like a home that would be in Architecture digest, (which it was). It didn�t look lived in. It look was missing some warmth. But it did get me in the mood to do some decorating in our house. I bought two huge initial letters for the office and a duvet cover and sheets for the bedroom. I used to never think that thread count mattered until JAB bought me some 300 count sheets. I could really tell the difference from the 200-250 that I usually buy on sale. The sheets I bought today were 350 and they so nice that I can�t wait to sleep on them tonight. We still have a lot to do to this house before I think it�s even close to being complete but we don�t have the time or the money.

I found out last night that my Aunt, my Dad�s sister is very, very ill and was put on life support last night. It�s one of those things that I�ve haven�t talked about in this because I just didn�t have the words to explain how her illness and more than likely, death was senseless. She has a slew of family members but no one seemed to care enough to visit her in the hospital or to make sure that she received the proper care to avoid getting bed sores. According to her son, she has a bed sore that covers her whole back. I know that I would never let this happen to my parents I just wonder would if happen to me. JAB is 11 years older than me and it�s a good chance that I will outlive him, and my parents. Being an only child means that after my parents, that�s it. I�m alone. I have cousins who I�m fairly close to but who knows what will happen in 10-20 or 30 years. Then again, my Aunt has children, step-children and a brother and sister and it didn�t help. Apparently she� being put on life support that my father can make it up there to see her. He doesn�t want to see her in that condition so I�m not really sure why they�re doing it. I haven�t seen my Aunt since 9/11 when we buried my cousin and even then we talked for maybe an hour. But I will always remember her hearty laugh and her giving nature. It is said that death is the ultimate reward for life. I hope so.

I have an admirer. My first real one actually. This person asked me my first question in my FAQ section and he�s been emailing me ever since. The strange thing is that he some how knows who I am and what I look like. He lives here in Atlanta and said that he figured out what I looked like from my entry when I discussed JAB and my picture in a magazine. He has sent a picture of himself. (If you want to see it, email me and I�ll send it to you. In one of his emails he said that it was ok) Anyway, I don�t know what to do. As I told him, He�s not really my type and I am in a relationship. I don�t consider myself a cheater. But I am seriously curious about this guy. We�ve talked about meeting for lunch or something but even said that once you open the barn door� well you know the rest. I can�t say that I�m not flattered because I am. I have such low self esteem and he has told me that I am �very handsome� and �his type�. I don�t know what to say to that. I don�t know why I�m even pursuing this to the level that I am. I know part of it is the troubles that I�m having with JAB and the aforementioned self esteem thing but I�ve had a lot of it for a long time. I know myself and I know that in my heart I believe that this would be cheating. In my mind it would be different if he lived someplace else and I was on a layover or something. I would still have the guilt afterwards but it would be entirely a different thing if he lived in the same town. The thing that scares me is that in some ways I want this to happen. I want the excitement and the clandestine meetings but every made for TV movie tells you that it never ends well. I�ve told him that I probably wouldn�t meet him and he says that he understands which makes me want to meet him more.

As I end this I am thinking about networking. I know this is a strange segue but right now I�m sitting in my leather chair using my lap top. After I finish this entry I will have to save this file and transfer it to my main desktop which is counter productive. I went to CompUSA today and looked at the networking equipment. It looks like it�s really easy to setup but I went online to check with my ISP and they charge something like 20-30 dollars a month to have an extra ISP address. I think that�s a rip off. I wonder would they figure out if I just did it and didn�t tell them. The guy at CompUSA said that they would probably never figure it out. If anyone knows please email me.

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