Another ramble fest
In the end, like it always does, everything pretty much worked out. Not the way I wanted it to but there was a resolution.
I had a conversation today with Bob, he is still with his married guy but I pretty much avoided that topic. We started talking about American Idol. I can admit that I have never watched a full episode. I�m not a real big reality show fan because I think the shows are all pretty much rigged. But Bob being who he is, is very much into it. He asked me who I wanted and I told him that I didn�t really care. I thought that the voices of both contested sounded ok but I only had the snippets I heard on the news to go by. Bob was shocked that I didn�t watch American Idol. He asked how I could be so behind in the times. I usually get pissed off when he says things like this but I didn�t this time. I just laughed. I then asked him if he planned to vote for George Bush II this time around and he said no. I told him that I really liked Howard Dean and that so far he�s my choice. He asked me who Howard Dean was. I just laughed to myself.
I�ve been going through some of my old pictures that I brought from home. I was surprised by the number of girl friends that I had in the past. I wonder what they would think of me now. I wasn�t a big stud in college or anything but I held my own and I didn�t have a hard time finding female companionship. While waiting for a phone call from my parents mortgage broker I downloaded and watched the last episode of Dawson�s Creek. That was another show that I never watched the whole way through but it was funny how I knew all of the characters. The one thing that interested me was that they made Pacey�s brother Doug gay. Was he always gay? If so I would have watched the show. Dylan Neal is one of my celebrity crushes since I had him on a flight years ago and he told me that he liked my shoes. Seeing him play a gay character was one of the few times that I could actually see one of my fantasies being played out. But I really got into his character in the series finale. I understood the predicament of not �always� being gay. Even though in my heart I knew I was attracted to men I never acted on it or talked about it. Even when I had my relationship with my college roommate I explained it away as �experimenting� At the end of the show Doug is with is boyfriend Jack and the kiss in front of an old couple. Doug looks at them and says that he�s just kissing his boyfriend and the old couple says, �That�s sweet�. I had a warm feeling inside, wishing that I could enjoy that total freedom of gayness. I had a much warmer feeling from this show that I ever have from Queer as Folk.
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