Too apathetic to think of a description
I feel like I�m in some sort of transitional stage. I feel different. I�m dealing with the reality that my parents are actually moving here. I�m so excited in some ways and terrified in others. I know that I�m going to have more responsibility with them being here. I think I can deal with it.
JAB and I have been fighting off and on. I�m so sick of fighting with him. I�m honestly sick of him. I�m sick of always having to be the heavy and always having to take care of him. Everyday it�s the same thing. He looses his keys, he looses his wallet. I help him find it. It�s right in front of his nose. He has no organizational skills at all and it�s starting to not only affect me but his business. Because the economy is tanking his business is tanking too which means that he�s having to take on more work. This means that he�s tired all the time. I understand that and I wish that I could help him. Actually I can help him but he�s stubborn and doesn�t think any of my ideas would work. In some ways I feel sorry for him because he hates what he�s doing. It�s bad to be in a household where both people hate their jobs and there�s no way out for any of them. That�s how our life is. So much stuff has to be done in this house but JAB doesn�t have any interest in doing any of it except for watering and cutting the grass. I don�t want to sound like I�m insensitive because I don�t think I am. I know he�s tired when he gets home from work. I don�t want him to come home and we just jump on a project. I just want to start one project and finish it. JAB will start something and then just drop it. A prime example is his bathroom. He�s been working on it for over a year now but nothing really changes. Either he says he doesn�t have the money to fix it or he�s too tired. Well something has to be done. I can�t life in limbo like this forever.
We had a huge talk on Friday and he said that he�s going to start going to therapy. He�s said it before but he�s never gone. I think that JAB has some major depression issues and might possible have a compulsive disorder. Nothing huge or anything I just think he needs some professional help. JAB of course thinks that the problem is really me not understand his problems. Which might be true. I�m not perfect. I�ve gone to therapy before to deal with some anger issues that I had or I should say have. I�m much better than I used to be.
My cousin is also stressing me out for reasons that I don�t really feel like writing about. The main thing is that she�s in a stupid marriage. Her husband has left her and her children twice. He didn�t buy his child anything for Christmas or birthday. My cousin wants to call up and cry on my shoulder but the thing is that I don�t have the shoulder right now. We�ve been playing phone tag for the past week. She wants to call me at 12 or 1 in the morning. I used to just suck it up and talk to her but our phone calls can last for hours and I don�t really want to talk to her. So I call her in the middle of the day but she�s not home and then she gets mad when I don�t pick up the phone when she calls. I love her but she�s the type who you tell that a cliff is in front of her but she�ll just keep on walking and fall and then want to complain about how bad her life is. I know that our next conversation is not going to go well because I�m going to tell her that she needs to grow up and be responsible. That never goes well when she hears that.
I know this diary is becoming nothing more than a bitch fest for me. I read other diaries and wish that I was so insightful, witty and plain happy. I know things can be a lot worse than they are for me. Part of the problem is that I have a sinus headache right now and I should probably take some thruflu and go to bed. Which I think I will do.
My Weather
