Earthquake

At 5:00am I woke up. I do usually. I have a very poor sleep pattern which is starting to bother me but that�s a whole different issue. JAB has some sort of sinus pattern so he was asleep downstairs. When I awoke and looked at the clock I had a strange sensation. It�s hard to describe. I thought I heard a rumbling but it sounded weird. All of the sudden the house shook. It felt like someone had their hands on the house and shook it. It wasn�t hard it just shook. It lasted maybe 10 seconds. Which sounds like a short period of times but if you count to ten you can see how long it is. I got up and went to the bathroom. I thought that maybe I was dreaming or something but I knew that I felt it. I turned on the radio to a talk radio station and they didn�t say anything so I figured that I had dreamed it. The host then asked didn�t anyone else feel something shake about a minute ago. I felt justified but then a little scared. We don�t have earth quakes in the south. So my mind started moving again. Was there a bomb that went off. A plane crash something horrible because the South doesn�t have earthquakes. I woke up JAB who was dead asleep and told him. He wasn�t very concerned. He slept through it. I told him to go back up stairs because in my mind I figure it�s best to be on top floor because then if the house collapses then you won�t have tons of bricks and junk on top of you. JAB went up stairs but said that it was too hot and he went back downstairs. It kinda pissed me off because every time there�s a flash of thunder or lightening he is calling me telling me to get off the computer and downstairs so it would be safe when I tell him no he gets mad but this time I�m the one telling him to stay upstairs with me and he doesn�t see any reason. I think one of the reasons I wanted him to stay upstairs was that I was a little frightened. I�ve been through 2 other tremors. One in Washington State and one in California. They all happened in the morning and they were all pretty much tremors. The thing that freaked me out a little this morning is that I never thought of earthquakes as being a deal here. I always think of it when I�m on the West Coast but never here. I just needed to be near someone and JAB decided that it was too hot. I�m a little angry with him. I�m getting over it now so by the time he gets home I�ll be over it. Of course he�s going to want to talk about it. When he left for work I was still asleep he asked me if I was still freaked out over the earthquake. I wanted to say, �what the fuck do you think� but I realized that it wouldn�t do any good. I just think he was a little selfish. One thing I�m working on is to tell people what I need. JAB doesn�t seem to realize the difference between what he wants to give and what I need. I don�t know how to make him understand. Anyway the earthquake was registered as a 4.5 which is nothing but if disturbed me a little.

On my trip last night I was talking to a male flight attendant. He was nice, he lives near me. I know a few people who live in his condo. I was asking about one of them and he was telling me that he wasn�t doing well and that he had a kinda abusive relationship. He then started asking me about other gay flight attendants. I realized that I don�t know any of them. Because I have insulated myself from this job I don�t have very many flight attendant friends. Actually I don�t have any at all. I don�t know why. I do. I think part of is that they wouldn�t fit into my life with JAB. It�s not that I�m ashamed of him but JAB at times seems to be stuck in the 80�s. It�s like he�s living his glory days. He hasn�t realized that life and gay people have moved on. JAB is a very old soul. He would much rather be around people in their 80s than with modern people. I also realized that JAB doesn�t really have many male friends. Most of his friends are straight females. Now I can�t say that my life is a lot different but JAB seems to be intimidated by males. Gay or straight. I can�t blame him for my lack of socialization with the people that I work with. I just felt strange realizing that I have been in this job for 13 years and I hardly know anyone from my job. I was never part of the gay clique. I did make a strange step yesterday. This other flight attendant was in my small training class 13 years ago. She was hinting around the whole trip trying to figure out if I was gay or not. I hate when people do that so I just stayed pretty obscure with my answers. Finally she just came out and asked me. I said yes. I don�t know if I�ve done that before. I�m just tired of the lying. I�m too old for that. I�m still not sure what I would do if my parents or my family asked me. And I�m not dying to find out.

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