I'm back
The only strange thing of the week is that I�m starting to wonder if I�m becoming allergic to alcohol. It seems as it whenever I drink know, I get sick. Monday we went to Fridays for lunch. I had two ultimate 77 sunset strip�s (recipe at bottom of page). Now we don�t usually eat there a lot and usually I would just get 2 or 3. I�m not sure how much is in an Ultimate but on the drive home I really thought that I was going to pass out. When we got home I went right to bed and slept for about an hour or hour and a half. When I woke up I felt nauseas the rest of the night. I�m not sure if it�s the pre-Diabetes that I have or what.
Saturday we went to Mary�s. Going to Gay bars I think it becoming a problem. We went out for dinner before where we split a pitcher of Sangria. I didn�t think they were too strong. I just had a nice buzz. Usually I just feel full not really drunk. I ended up calling someone from work. He calls me all the time but I don�t usually deal with people from work but I don�t want to be rude. I invited him to go with us, thinking that he wouldn�t go since he had to work the next day but he showed up. The whole evening was weird and in sometimes cements the fact that JAB and I don�t belong in the gay community. Once my friend/work associate showed up we had drinks. Then this other guy from work showed up. I hated him. I don�t know why but he just bugged me from the first word out of his mouth. There was just something about him. He brought along his lover who wasn�t hot per se but in some ways he was. Anyway we of course started the airline talk which bored JAB and the guy I hate�s partner away. JAB stayed but the guy I hate, now referred to as GIH, partner moved down the bar. I tried to talk to him and he was nice not overly but nice. I went back to JAB. I�m not sure when it happen or how but this guy showed up and took my place at the bar. I saw he was talking to JAB but I didn�t think anything but I decided just to go over there. JAB looks nervous which makes me nervous. He quickly introduces me and I shake the guy�s hand. The guy then says to me, you�re cute like he is. I just kinda smiled and thought nothing of it but moved his ass out of the way. It wasn�t that I thought anything would happen I just started getting insecure thinking that he thought that I wasn�t an competition. The guy moves to the seat behind JAB and I start talking to my friend when JAB kicks me hard in the leg I turn around and this guy is massaging JAB�s shoulders. I had to laugh because JAB looked so freaked out. I went over to JAB and told him not to worry about it. He said that he didn�t like the guy doing that so I told him to tell him to stop. I think I said it loud enough for the guy to hear so he moved on.
At that point Karaoke started. I had Karaoke and I hate that they do it now on Saturday nights. It started bad as always. I looked over at my friend and the GIH�s partner was rubbing on my friend�s leg. I was shocked. What was going on here? I kinda pulled my friend aside and asked what was going on and he said that GIH�s partner asked if they could have sex in the bathroom. I was disgusted. I really was. My friend then said that he had to go to the bathroom. I told him to take JAB with him. They were gone for a while when GIH�s partner came back alone. I said hello and he said hey. He then started rubbing my back and said what a strong back I had. I looked at him because, A) Lame line. B) Go find your damned boyfriend. C) Because he was kind of cute and for about 2 seconds I wished that I was single.
GIH�s partner says, �You know I�m kidding�. I just smiled back. JAB came back and I said that I wanted to go home. JAB wanted to finish his drink. At this point my friend is gone. I look over and he�s now all over the first guy who was hitting on JAB. I was through at that point. I went over and told my friend that we were leaving. I asked him if he was ok and the guy was like he�s fine. I just said bye and left. When we got home JAB got into the discussion about open relationships and stuff. I told him what I believe which he thinks is wrong. I told him that if he felt the need to cheat, I wouldn�t be happy with but I don�t want to know. I don�t want to have one of those relationships where JAB sees someone cute and tells me that he�s going off. I don�t want to bring anyone else home with us because, A) I think it�s immoral; B) I don�t have enough self esteem to watch JAB have sex with someone else.
JAB thinks that it�s wrong all the way around but that it�s better if the other person knows what�s going on. I ask him if he�d want me to tell him that I was having sex with someone else and he said yes so he could leave me. I totally understand what he�s saying but my thing is that if it HAS to happen. Please don�t tell me. I don�t want to share.
This whole situation made me think a lot. I realize that I am having the 11 year itches. I admit it but I would never do anything to humiliate JAB. I thought even if GIH knew what his partner was doing, that it�s still wrong because we all know that GIH couldn�t pull the guys in himself. The whole situation was just ugly to me and I�ve pretty much decided that if I would ever leave JAB or he would leave me or whatever. I�m done dating. I don�t have the stomach for it and I don�t think I could find another Gay person who�d really want to have a monogamous relationship or at least fake it. I know a lot of Gay people think that by having an open relationship that they are being more honest. I�m not going to judge them. I don�t think that it�s wrong, for them. But I couldn�t deal with it.
Ok a promise to myself that I won�t let myself go this long without posting.
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