On Location from San Francisco
Observations of San Francisco. I should let you know where I am. I am in the Polk district of San Francisco which as known, I guess as being run down, full of homeless people and old drag queens.
1. Gas. I was walking down the street just know. I will explain why later. But there is a gas station across the street. Regular gas is $2.25. How can people afford gay. I thought that my $1.75 for premium was expensive. What's going to happen if we go to war?
2. Ok I get here about 3 hours ago. Because I am what is called a "K" line. I am by myself. Literally. I'm just extra help on the crew. The rest of the crew leaves in about 8 hours and I leave in about 12. So I am by myself, which I wanted to be. Sometimes I like it. I brought my laptop, obviously, and started searching for bars to go to. As I was doing that I started reading the descriptions of the bars. At one site it started listing the ages of the clientele. The thing is that as I started reading it I started feeling like it wasn't a description but a requirement. Especially when the reviewer said that one bar let him in even though he was graying. On listing said that the clientele was white but surprisingly open to other races. What does that mean? The funny thing is that San Francisco is supposed to be one of the most liberal cities in the US if not the world but a bar is "surprisingly open to other races." Well that turned me off so much that I just decided to go down to the local grocery store and get something to drink which brings me to next observation.
3. It seems to me that most of the convinience stores cell alcohol. Why is it that in Atlanta bars will be closed on Sundays again? Why is it that liquor stores are closed on Sunday. Everyone says that it's the Bible belt but again, what does that mean. So I can be a big lush during the week but on Sunday, well, as my mom puts it, dust yourself off and get yourself in church.
OBSERVATIONS OVER.
I think that I'm having a mid life crisis. I think this is why I'm barely able to talk to or even look at JAB. He doesn't see it which I'm grateful for. But right now I just want to break up with him and start hitting the bars every night like I did 10 years ago. Now the one good thing or bad thing is that I will never do that. Never is a long time but I just don't think that I would because JAB is the best thing to come in my life. But...
Thursday we went out to eat and then went to Mary's for drinks. It started out ok until the people started coming in. This flight attendant who I had flown with showed up. I didn't really like him but I was forced to do my phony thing which even annoys me so I'm not sure why people never seem to catch on to it. Well he told us that he was supposed to meet a friend there who was getting on his nerve talking about his broken up relationship. Well he showed up. He was HOT. But the thing is that that type isn't usually what I look at. He was short, well built, Levi�s, t-shirt and about a 3 day growth. He's not my type. But for some reason, that is now my type. I don't know why it just is. Again, with the mid life crisis.
Anyway, he hooked on to JAB and they talked most of the time. This guy was a lost caused who in some ways needed some serious counseling. I pretty much talked to other people at the bar. I kinda hooked on to this other guy, not sexually but conversation wise.
JAB and I have been looking to expand our friendship base. Because of something that I really don't want to get into right now. We have lost our best friends in Atlanta. So we're now trying to do find other people to be friends with. Hopefully a gay couple. Well in my eyes this was the guy. He was about our age and seemed normal. Well after JAB stopped being friends with the sad guy and he left, we started talking to this guy. I'm not sure how the subject came up but we started talking about porn. JAB said that we didn't watch porn, which we don't. Well this guy said that he and his partner do. Well JAB became very offended by that and pretty much told him that he didn't see why this guy and his partner needed porn. I know that JAB was a little drunk but it just showed me again how JAB can be such a jerk sometimes. It wasn't our place to judge this guy.
At that point we left and I was just pissed off at him. He can be so judgmental sometimes but he doesn't see how his life isn't perfect either. I love him. I really do and I think that I am going through a phase but Thursday night was probably the closest I came to telling him that I was leaving him. Of course Friday when I woke up I felt guilty for even thinking it. I know that JAB and I need to find the reason we are together in the first place. What scares me is that we've lived the past 11 years of knowing that we were complete opposites, that was our mantra that opposites do attract. But know I'm getting sick of it. I'm hoping that I will find a way to get past my feelings because I wouldn't do anything to hurt him but I just feel that I need some freedom. The question always is though what happens when I come back to my senses and I've had this freedom?
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