WHY COULDN'T IT RAIN
JAB are fighting again. I know a lot of it is my fault but a lot of it is his too. Sometimes I wonder if this is the way out life is going to be forever. I just want him to have respect for me and my opinions. I�m also sick of hearing about the fact that he works 6 days a week and I only work a couple of days of week. Even though it�s been over 10 years, he still doesn�t get the fact that I would rather work during the week and be home. I�m not saying that it�s not tough having his life and schedule but I�m sick of him thinking that my work is just cake. It�s like my Dad telling me all the time that he doesn�t see why I hate my job. He thinks it would be FUN. Well I did to before I did it. The just told our department that we will probably lay off 500 people in May. So far I�m not even close to being laid off but what this means is that I will probably not see a weekend off in a long time. So when JAB wants to do things on the weekends I�m going to have to say no. But this is the best job in the world.
Part of our problem is communication. We talked about the other day selling this house and maybe getting a Condo. Something closer in town. Well I took that as a time to start researching and figuring what we could afford and what was out there. He told me that I was pressuring him and he felt that we didn�t need to be pressured. Well what am I supposed to do? We decided that we wanted to move closer in town, how is that supposed to happen. And if we�re going to move then maybe we don�t need to invest in the hardwood floors. Maybe we just need to stop doing the little bit of stuff that we are doing and just look and see what�s out there. At this point I just want a house where there isn�t a project waiting to be done every minute of the day. I�m tired of being on the computer or watching TV and feeling guilty because I should be sanding the walls or filling in holes. I just want a house that�s done. That�s why I mentioned that maybe we should move out of town. Where we could afford a lot more house for the money but JAB feels that then we won�t have anything to do. Well we don�t do anything now but eat out. I don�t really want to live out of town but I�m just sick of nothing being done. Yes I�m rambling which is why we argued today. The thing is; I just want to be happy. I don�t want to be a nag. I wish that JAB would just do his part and then I wouldn�t have to nag as much.
JAB said that I was controlling and that�s probably true. I grew up that way. I grew up with a Mom who would have no qualms about telling me that I looked awful and to change clothes. Of course, she doesn�t care anymore so it�s me saying that to her. I just want JAB to have some respect for himself and me when we leave the house. I know that he�s gained weight and he feel awkward about it but does he have to wear the same thing 2 days in a row?
I need to get over this because being mad and doing the silent treatment never works. We just end up talking again but we never get to the base of the problem. JAB thinks that we need counseling which I don�t disagree with. The only thing I asked is for us to go separately at first so we can each get our issues out and then we can go together, but JAB feels that he doesn�t really need to talk to anyone. His issues are us. According to him. I�m just in a bad mood now which pisses me off because I have to go to work tomorrow and today is such a nice day. Why couldn�t rain.
My Weather
