NOTHING SPECIAL,

I really was going to write last night but I was so tired; Really tired. I had a descent layover in DC. Michelle ended up not going to work so she picked me up at the airport and we had a bite to eat in a real nice area called Adams Morgan. It looked nice anyway since it was dark and the snow was there. DC is beautiful. We drove by the Capitol and the Monument and I was just in awe with the beauty of it. I wouldn't mind living there, but too much snow and the place that I think I would like to live is way way to expensive. I had a good time with her but I got back to the hotel at about 3 and pick up was at 10 am. I took a shower when I got in so I planned on getting up at 9:30 but for some reason I was up at 8 and couldn't go back to sleep. That didn't help with a 13 hour duty day.

I have to always remember to be careful what you wish for. I've been telling JAB and some others how I really miss flying with guy flight attendants. I love woman but when they get to be my age all they want to talk about is kids and husbands. When I was based in NYC most of the flight attendants were men or women who weren't married Or if they were married they didn't have kids. Here the first question that seems to be asked is "Where do you live", "are you married", "do you have any kids". So I'm a little burned out with that. So I was happy to see a guy on my trip well at least for the first 5 minutes. After that I didn't care because he was strange. I'm actually too bored to get into it but I was pretty much through when he asked me if I knew what the S.A.T's were. This coming from a man who admitted that before he came to this airline he had waited tables at the Olive Garden for 16 years. Not that there's anything wrong with that but come on?

JAB told me that I could take a month off in March. We got a little bit more money back than we thought we were going to so he said I could take some money out of the money market to take a leave. I thought about it but I just think that it's not mature and really it's not the solution. The solution is for me to leave this job and find out what my dream job is. I went to a career counselor last year. I did all the tests and everything. I realized a lot of what I already knew. First of all, I like to communicate and write. I like being the source of information and I'm not that good with the normal 9-5, lunch from 12-12:30 routine. Everyone thinks that I wouldn't be able to go to work everyday, Monday thru Friday, but I think I could. I want some normalcy. I want to remember what it's like to be excited because it's Friday. Friday's, Weekend's mean nothing to me.

My career counselor thought that I would be great in Public Relations, which has always interested me but to get into the field is very very difficult and I would probably have to get a Masters at this point and I don't know if I could go to school and fly. I know people do it but I feel so brain dead that I'm not sure. I hate that I complain about my job so much. I wished that I liked it. But I don't.

I just started reading James Baldwin�s Another Country . His stuff is usually hard for me to get into but for some reason I�m into this book. I miss reading. I went through this phase where I was going through a book a week or so. Then I started getting into Gay novels but they all seemed to be about the white gay experience. Then I started to read black gay novels and they seemed to only be about the black gay experience. I found a few book that were �interracial� but then I got sick of the �interracial theme� I just wanted to read a book that was not �all of anything� But I guess I�m an idealist. I need to realize that MLK�s dream. is so far away from where a lot ous are. I was talking to a JW a few weeks ago about that. He�s a nice guy and could be a friend but he has some serious drug problems and he has a habit of stealing so we can only have a phone relationship and that�s usually only once a couple of months or so. He told me that he went to a BWMT meeting . He said that he went on their website and found it interesting. He told me that pretty much it was just a dating service for black men to find older white men. Since JW is a younger white man he said that everyone pretty much snubbed him. I was so sad to hear that but it�s called life and quite honestly I�m just getting a little sick of it. I can�t change the mind of people. I wish I could.

The Spam on my computer is getting out of hand. I'm not sure what I signed up for but I get about 5-10 porn spam a day. Some Gay, Some straight, I even got some animal porn thing that made me so sick to my stomach that I couldn't finish my Taco Bell taco. I tried to find if there was some anti-spam thing on my email account but I couldn't find anything. I heard that Outlook express doesn't have anything built in but Eudora has something built into to it to help block the spam. I just know that I'm sick of it. I'm always afraid that I'll die and that my parents somehow get into my email and then they'll see all of this and think that I'm some sort of wacko.

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