COMING OUT

I had a very interesting note from ex-bitch, whom by the way if you are reading this I have tried to email you back but your email doesn't show up, Anyway, she asked if I would ever completely come out. That's such a hard question to me and actually one that kept me up a little last night. In my life here, almost everyone in my social and work circle knows that I am gay. The only people in the dark are my family. I actually believe that everyone knows. It�s common sense really. I�ve lived with a man for the past 7 years. It doesn�t really take a brain surgeon to figure it out. At this point in my life I don't see a reason to tell my parents. I've thought about sometimes but I just don't want to. I don't have any doubts in my mind that my parents would still love me and talk to me. I don't think I would be disowned or anything. My main concern is that I don�t want to add stress to their lives and think telling them that I was gay would add stress. My parents and I have always had a very strange relationship where we are very protective of each other. Maybe that�s normal, I don�t know. I have always been very protective of my parents sometimes to my detriment. Part of the reason I am still working at this job is that I knew if I lived this far away I wanted to be able to get there if needed. My parents are not perfect but I grew up in a household where I wanted for nothing. I'm not saying that we were rich or anything I'm just saying that my parents made sure that I had a chance to have a childhood and let me experiment with life and activities even though we were not rich. They did without so I could experience life. I remember when I was in college and I wanted to join a fraternity. I didn't work much in college and my parents were paying my room and board. The room and board doubled when I joined the fraternity and they never said anything, they just paid it. For reasons like that and so many others I have made a decision to keep my life, that aspect of my life in the closet. I am lucky that I�m in a relationship where my coming out to my parents isn�t a big thing. JAB�s parents are dead and he doesn�t have contact with his siblings for other reasons but he�s never questioned me about coming out. He doesn�t get mad when he knows that he has to sleep in his bedroom when my parents are here and for that I am blessed. Someone at work once told me that he broke up with his partner of a year because he wouldn�t come out and he couldn�t live his life that way. I respected his opinion but I never understood it. I know there are a lot of gay people who hate me for what I have chosen to do because they feel like there�s strength in numbers but I don�t have a great love for the gay community in general so I can live with that. JAB told me that I had to do what I thought was best for me when it came to that subject so what�s best for me is to live 2 lives when necessary. For me it�s out of respect. So to answer from ex-bitch�s question. Yes one day I will be totally out but hopefully not for a long time.

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