Fear

I�m not sure why I�m having such a fear of my parents flying next weekend. I�m truly afraid. This is going to sound strange but please don�t judge me on it. A couple of weeks ago I was at work and I heard my Mom scream my name. Ok obviously my Mom wasn�t there but I heard. I heard it plan as day and I had to sit down. I was petrified. My mind went to whether there was something going on in there house or if I was getting some sort of premonition or whether I just thought I heard something. I made myself not think about it all day because I was panicked. Now since they are going on this cruise and they�re flying by themselves without me being involved at all I�m freaked out.

I have this strange habit of reading and watching things about plane crashes. I did it when I was flying. I can�t explain why. I think it was because deep inside I was afraid to fly. I am still afraid to fly. I enjoy it. I know it�s the quickest way to get anyplace. I would fly to my parents house before I would drive and they live 45 mins away but deep inside I�ve always been afraid to fly. So now my parents are going on a trip that I had nothing to do with and I�m a nervous wreck.

I know part of it had to do with the plane crash in Miami a couple of weeks ago and I think a good part of it has to do with the fact that I�m realizing that I�m getting older and my parents are too. I know I�m rambling on now but bear with me. I�ve always been there for my Mom more than for my Dad. I love my Dad but as I stated before we don�t have a great relationship or I should say it�s strained. My Mom and I are very close and I keep thinking about her saying that she worries about me more now than she did when I was a child and now I�m in that role. My mind keeps racing to plane crashes like this one and this one and I�ve read the Cockpit voice recorders transcripts and I can only imagine the fear that the passengers and crew went through. I couldn�t live with knowing that my parents went that way.

I know that there�s a 99.9% chance that they�ll be find. That I�m just worrying and stressed for nothing. I know that I can�t talk about it to them because it would freak them out since my Mom isn�t a fan of flying at all. I do feel a little better writing about it here since I�ve spoke my secret so to say. I want them to have a good time. I want them to go but I�m scared. Why is that and how do I let go of the feeling. I feel stupid for having these fears since I spent 15 years of my life convincing people that flying was no big deal. I never really told anyone that I was afraid to fly. I don�t tell people a lot of things.

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