Can't think of a topic

I am totally traumatized today. I�m starting to hate my job. Not hate it like I hated Delta but I�m starting to hate it in a deeper way. Today a woman, (I was going to say Mother but to me she wasn�t) dropped her two week old baby on the floor. Our floors are hard cement. I didn�t see the actually dropping but another employee did. I called 911 because I was concerned that the baby didn�t really cry but I heard the thump and my co worker said she was kind of high up. The woman picks up the baby while I was calling 911 and the way she was holding the baby bothered me because she wasn�t really supporting the baby�s head. I asked another co worker to help with the baby and the mother started yelling at me that she didn�t need any help. I explained that we were at an agency where the child�s well being is most important and to me she wasn�t holding the baby in a manner that the baby was safe. The other work took the woman and the baby in the hall as I walked in the bathroom and kept myself from crying. When I got out of the bathroom I was told that I had to call Child Protective Services. I hate doing this. I called them and they came. I wrote my report and went back to my cube. I wanted to cry and it took so much not too. I was telling the story to other case managers and they were like, oh yeah someone drops their baby once or twice a year. Some case managers stopped by and told me that I had to get used to seeing children abused. I can�t get used to it.

Everyday I see children that will never have a chance because their parents made fucked up decisions. We give free birth control out. Just ask. I can pretty much find a place that will give women free IUD�s or at least at much lower costs. I heard later that the woman had planned on giving the child up for adoption but when the baby was born and she found out that the baby was actually a boy and not a girl that she had been told she wanted to keep it because she �always wanted a boy baby.�

My main case load is dealing with teen age parents and making sure that they stay in school, etc. Everyday I see children under the age of 18 and it breaks my heart. Half of the children get pregnant by Men (I use the word loosely) over the age of 25. My youngest teen is 12 years old. My last client today is 16 and is now pregnant on child number three. When I make them go to Planned Parenthood classes they balk at me and tell me that they don�t have time. All they want is free child care so they can go to the Prom. I speak to school counselors every day who are just so burned out that they don�t care about the teen anymore.

I�m so tired of seeing this. I never saw this growing up. I knew people like this existed but I guess I didn�t realize how hard it would be dealing with it every day. I knew that I would be looking for another job due to my pay rate going down so far but at this point I need to go back to my ignorance. I have trouble sleeping at night because I realized that I couldn�t reach one of my teenagers. That I couldn�t convince them that having one child at 16 is more than enough.

I�m very sad right now. I need a drink.

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