To be White
We started talking about how he liked Atlanta. He said that he hated it and wanted to move but he didn�t know where. I get that obviously. I was doing the normal thing of saying that he�s young and single and can transfer his credits to any University. He then said something that almost made me spill my sugar free Mocha. He asked me why only White gay guys have all the fun. He went on to explain how he goes out often and he tries to mingle but that there�s this barier. He feels like he falls into the category of being the tag along. He said that he wished that he were White because if he were he would be loved and admired.
Of course there was a part of me that laughed inside because as a person of color I can relate. When you watch TV or read magazines all you pretty much see are White faces. I can admit that they�re throwing in some Latins now which is a good sign. But as I get older I realize that it�s more about me and not about what the media, Gay or Straight tells me is hot or not or cool etc. But then I looked him in the face. He was saddened and I became angry. Because I�m sick of this world. He is cute. He is a twink. There�s tons of them out there and he should be wanted but because he darker skin he�s not. If you really think about it, how stupid is that? He�s well spoken, dress in the trendy wear. No gold tooth or overly baggy pants. He should be sought after but in this society he can be tossed away because he�s Black.
God how can we still live in a world like this. I so wanted to hold him and tell him that even though I can�t say it will get better I can tell him that he will grow into his own and he will become a master of not letting the media tell him what is hot or cute or in. He will learn that there are people who value his fuller lips and broader nose. That there are people who will value his pursuit of education and his quirky knowledge of all things Manhunt, which I haven�t seen because again, people of color can�t be models, right?
There are times that I wonder what it would be like to be a Gay Man of Privilege as I�ve heard it put. To be Gay and White. To know that you are the desired species. But then I remember that I�m me. I�m db. I�m Black and I have love handles. I also have a pretty big nose and my lips are pretty full. But that doesn�t mean that I�m not wanted. Maybe not here but other places.
When I was younger we used to layover in Helsinki Finland. I did two trips there and I had to stop because I wanted to keep my relationship with JAB. I have never in my entire life felt so wanted. Ok a lot of it was objectation. They are all WHITE. Not White like we know it but White like you need some serious sun. But these people loved me. I went to a Gay bar there and for a couple of hours I realized what it must be like to be Ozwald . To be White and Gay and wanted and have the ability to choose who you want when you want it. I realized what it was like to be the chosen one. Yes it was fleeting but I can�t lie and say that it wasn�t nice.
Oh� Memories. But life moves on and as I told him. You are who you are. Who knows why but I believe that every person in this world is wanted. White, Black, Asian, Hispanic, Native American, Etc. There is someone out there in the world who wants you type and you will find it. So until then, you love yourself and as I told him wear nice shoes. People notice that.
My Weather
