hyperbolist

I am really feeling at the end of my rope right now. I pretty much don�t sleep anymore, 3-4 hours top. What do you do when you think you know what the solution is but there�s just no where to get there. Do you ever get tired of yourself being sad or being disappointed or frustrated or lost? I�m there right now. I�m tired of myself so I can�t even imagine anyone else wanting to be with me.

People of course are starting to notice and they are suggesting that it�s time for me to see someone. But here�s the rub. I�m broke. I can�t afford it and I�m afraid that I�ll be put on some sort of medication which will add to the 4 I�m taking right now.

I�m in the process of looking for a part time job. I had this dream of working part time someplace that I would fall in love with and then move to full time. But I don�t even have the energy to look anymore. Ok in reality I haven�t been looking a lot because I�m depressed. I�ve said it. I am depressed and it�s going to eat me whole. I�m loosing the strength to fight it anymore. It seems like nothing is working my way anymore. I�ve lost my mojo. Not that I ever had any but now it�s completely non-exist. The funny thing is that yesterday JAB and I went out to dinner with a friend and I was telling her how she�s too hard on herself and how her life would get in order. I felt like such a hypocrite. I was doing the do as I say not as I do.

How did my life spiral so out of control so fast and why is it that I feel like everyone else is driving down a one way street to success but I�m going to wrong way. I don�t get how I at late as 2 months ago I was getting queries to edit and write and now it seems like my writing is shit and no one wants to touch it. I don�t get it. I feel like I�m just sinking deeper and deeper. How my hyperboles can I have in one entry.

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