SIMPLE VACATION TIPS FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY

After two days of working vacation destinations I think it�s my responsibility to provide you with some important lessons to know and hopefully memorize before you terrorize me on the airplane. Yes these things did happen in the past two days.

1. Don�t bring your kids. I know it�s Spring Break and all and you and the spouse needs to be romantic but when you decided to have kids your vacation destinations are now limited to visiting parents, family, or Disney. That�s it. You don�t bring your kids to Jamaica because they�re going to get bored and start writing on the tray tables with the permanent pens you thought was fine to bring a two year. I know your child is bored and yes we should provide kiddie magazines like we used to but you can�t let her write on the tray tables. (INSERT SMILE HERE)

2. Please don�t make out on the airplane. Yes a simple kiss might be nice but a hand in your husband�s lap moving quickly is going to bring attention. And guess what. We don�t care if it�s your honeymoon and no we don�t have official Mile High Club Member certificates.

3. Don�t get drunk on the plane with your kids sitting next to you. It�s embarrassing. Yesterday going to Jamaica, two sisters and their two kids each were in first class. At first the sisters were kind of fun but it became real old very quickly and I noticed how the kids all of the sudden were my responsibility. This also happened today coming from the Grand Cayman. This mother actually asked me if I could feed her two year old because Grandma and Grandpa were tired of them and Dad was drinking shots of Vodka with his Amstel Light. She actually seemed offended when I said no.

4. Please remember. I�m not drunk. So you�re not amusing to me. AT ALL. Oh and an added note. The Saturday Night thing with the Buh-Bye. Buh-Bye thing. It was slightly amusing back in 1994. It�s not now. Trust me.

5. Remember that even though you�ve been sunning at one of those all inclusive places. It ends once you get to the airport. Most airlines don�t carry Pina Colada�s or Daiquiris (virgin or otherwise) and yes, I know it�s �hard to believe� that we don�t have blenders on the aircraft.

6. Please remember that most island destinations are actually DIFFERENT countries; so you will have to fill out Immigration and Custom forms. Your surname is your last name If you look at your ticket it will tell you the name of the airline and the actually flight number. DOB stands for date of birth. Disembark means where you�re getting off. Oh and I know you thought that Jamaica was a US territory but unless something has changed in the past couple of hours it�s still its own country.

7. Dressing is hard when coming from or going to a vacation destination. I get it. It was 85 degrees where you left; but just as my mother always told me. It�s normally cold in 3 places, hospitals, movie theaters and airplanes. I�m working. I�m not cold. You wore the tank top and daisy duke�s. Bring a sweater. I�m not going to tell the Captain to warm up the cabin. And yes it is out of spite.

Hopefully if you follow these simply rules you will have a great time traveling to and from your vacation destination. I hope this has been a service to you. Please feel free to print it out and share it with your friends. Thanks.

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