alone

Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how I try I�m just going to be failure. I�m never going to be able to get my true point across. I�m never going to be able to show people that I�m not just a big bully, that I�m not just a person who has to have my way, that I don�t want the power. That what I do, I do for other people. I have spent so much time trying to help other people succeed. Not just for me but for this person so that their dream, their mission will be realized. But I�m just told that I want power and that I don�t �know my place.�

Then I have to deal with home when people feel that I just want control. I want to control their life. No one understands that I don�t want control at all. I want people to control their own life and make normal decisions. But when they don�t I make the mistake to step in and try to help.

Maybe on all fronts I should just step back and say to hell with everyone. If you fall, you fall on your own. I just sat back and watch. This is another one of those days nights that I feel like I�m the most misunderstood person in the world and even people who are supposed to be my friends, family and loved one can�t even try to understand what I do and why I do it. I�m so tired right now. I want someone in my corner; I want someone to tell me that they appreciate what I do. Am I hard? Yes I am. But only to people to who I truly care about. Am I stubborn? Yes I am but only to the point where I can give you the best possible project. Not for me. My name is the small one in the project, your have the big one. I guess it�s true that friends should stay in the friendship realm and business should stay in the business realm.

Why is it so hard for me? Why can�t I just let go and not push so hard. I would be such a happier person. But for now I�m just emotionally destroyed and very much alone. Again.

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