Another relationship bitch session
He suggested that we break up but he says it in a way where he doesn't mean it. I just don't know if I do. I don't think I'm asking for a lot. A lot of the problems we have really have nothing to do with us as people. We don't have any outlets anymore. It's like in the past year we have lost every one of our mutual friends. I'm serious. We really don't have friends anymore. The closet friends we have live in Tennessee. I do think that we are friends and we had a great time when they were here in December but they are 2 hours away. I just want to have friends that we can have dinner with. JAB and I both have jobs where it's pretty difficult to meet people. Even though he likes to, I think it's weird to have his clients as friends. It's just that line that you shouldn't cross. He's been burned by it before but like everything else he just kinda forgets about it or forgets that it was a big deal even though now he says it wasn't.
I don't know what to do. Because I know how these fights or discussions turn out. We talk, yell, cry and then we go to our separate corners and then it's forgotten. I'm not sure if I'm not making myself clear or if he's just not listening to me. I told him that I was unhappy with this house. I don't mind the house I just want to start doing things around it or move. He doesn't understand that. He thinks that as soon as we get things done I'm going to want to move anyway. I 'm not sure if that's not true but what if it is? At least we enjoyed a house for a while. We both discussed moving into the city which unless we win the lottery we can't afford. I thought that the plan that we had was to buy and fix up and then move to somewhere nicer and closer and then keep doing that until we get what we want. I guess I was wrong.
I realize know that I have to piss or get off the pot as my mother always says. JAB is not going to change. I say that and he thinks that he has changed because he dresses better and got his hair cut. That's not the change I'm talking about but when we talk about change I get the boomerang where he starts talking about me. I'm not perfect. I know that. I just would like to concentrate on one thing at a time.
I brought going to counseling and he said that we have to go together. This goes back to the problem. I feel like he's so sure that the counselor is going to say that there's nothing wrong with him and that it's all me. Who knows maybe they will. Maybe it's me.
I just know that I can't live life this forever. I know what's going to happen if things go the way they're going know and it's not good.
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