WEEKEND UPDATE
has been in some ways boring but in some ways enjoyable. Saturday I just ran errands. It seems as if I haven�t really left the house since Christmas. The whole Christmas shopping thing though somewhat enjoyable is in some ways very tiring. So it was very nice to get out of the house and just piddle around.
Later on JAB and I went out to dinner with two of his friends, Ray and Max. They are JAB�s clients but of course he has to be friends with his clients. I really like Ray and Max. They�re an older couple. They�ve been together for 30 years. It was just interesting to hear them tell stories about how they first got together. Max was only 18 and Ray was in his late 20�s. In some ways the represent the Gay dream. They own a lot of property, they travel about 4 times out of the year and they seem to be content with each other. I think that�s all I want. I want to be content. I like the way that they just seem comfortable with each other. It was a real nice dinner.
Today I did something that I hardly ever do. I slept in. I slept until 12 noon. JAB and I then went out and ran some more errands. It�s just so surprising to me how much we haven�t done since the holidays. We had a good day. It�s funny to me how we haven�t argued that much. For us, we usually have some sort spat at least once a week. But so far we�ve just gotten a long. I talked to a friend of mine from Oregon called me today. Robert and I were friends all throughout high and college. He's the only one of my old friends who knows that I'm gay and in a relationship and that's only because he's gay too and hit on me all through out college. A very interesting story that I will have to share one day. During our conversation he asked me a question that I really had to think about. We were talking about relationships and he said that he had never been in love. The love that they talk about on TV or in books. He asked me if I had ever been in love. I thought about it. But I realized that I didn�t know how to answer the question. I don�t know what love is supposed to feel like. I remember when I was in college and I had my first what I called Gay relationship. It was with my fraternity room mate. I know it sounds like one of those fantasies but it�s sadly and painfully true. The stories never tell you about the awfully part of having a relationship with a man who is supposed to be straight. Peter and I had a 3 month relationship while he was dating this girl that I had introduced him to and I was dating a girl in a sorority down the street. We had a big blow up and he ended up trying to commit suicide. Peter and his step father came one Sunday and got his stuff and moved out. I longed for him for years. When he was gone I remember not being able to smell Tide detergent because it reminded me of him.(He did our laundry) It was the summer when Pretty Woman came out and that song �The King of Wishful Thinking� was out. It was my song for that summer. I can�t say what would happen to me if he walked up to me right now. I can�t even really remember what he looks like. But I still remember the excitement that I had when I knew that we were going to spend a night together. I don�t really have that kind of feeling towards JAB. I don�t know if I ever really did. When I was with Robin I don�t remember feeling like if he left me my world would just be over. I felt bad when we broke up but I wasn�t heart broken. I just felt a little irritated. I don�t know why this question bugs me so much. I know that JAB and I are together but we�ve never had a lot in common except for each other. Each night around this time, he�s downstairs and I�m up here. He�s watching his old movies and I�m either on the computer or reading. We don�t have those times of just sitting together and holding each other at night. It�s almost like we have these separate lives that we force to be a union. Our relationship reminds me a lot of my parents relationship which I�m not sure is a good thing.
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