FLYING

Last night when I got home JAB told me that Stacy's cousin was in the USAir express plane crash. He was pretty stressed out all day and I have to admit that at first I wasn't too understanding. My first thoughts were that he doesn't know Stacy very well, and my second was that he told me that Stacy hadn't seen her cousin in 5 years so how close could they had been. Then it hit me. I was an Ass. Losing my cousin in the World Trade Center still affects me. I still think about him and how we were as children. I still think about the time I talked to him in 1996 and promised him that I would visit him more often. 4 Christmas cards, 2 phone calls and 1 dinner later, he's gone. It didn't matter to me that I hadn't talked to him in 4 months and it didn't matter to me that I wasn't too close to him not because he was bad but just because we didn't know each other very well.

Last night we had the talk again. The talk we have after every plane crash. JAB wants me to quit. As I tell him, I want to quit also but I don't really want to work at Macy's and my skill level is pretty low. Not too many companies are looking for people with my broad but un-relatable skills. JAB is afraid to fly. He doesn't say it but I know it. I also know it's a control thing, which it is for most people who are afraid to fly. You are giving your life to 2 or 3 people that you don't know. I have a hard time with it sometimes. I layed over in Guatemala City Wednesday night. It's one of the hardest landings in the world. The airport is surrounded by mountains and the end of the runway is a cliff if you over shoot the landing you're going over the cliff. Oh and we land at night. I do that trip often and every time I do it, the last 3 or 4 minutes or so, I'm a little worried. Not because I'm afraid to fly but because I understand that things go wrong for too many different reasons and at that point you are truly at the mercy of the pilots who I usually can't stand and this big machine that I hope that the mechanics, who I usually can't stand, did their jobs in making sure that it's mechanically sound. At the end when we landed and stop I breathe a sigh of release and think about how I will be in the comfort of my own home in 15 hours.

I do understand JAB's fears. He told me last night that his worse nightmare is to hear about a crash and not know where I am; which is a possibility. I tell him where I lay over but I never tell him the stops I have to do in between. I did 2 legs before I got to Guatemala City. He didn't know where they were. Even if he did we might get rerouted and it all changes. Because my life involves this crazy thing called flying I often forget about the people left on the ground, (ok I hate hyperboles but it just seemed to fit) I forget the fact that flying to me is nothing more than going to work. I flew a lot when I was younger and I remember how excited I got when I smelled that airplane smell. I didn't know what it was I just loved it. I loved the food and I loved taking off and landing. Know half the time I don't even really notice when we take off and land. I�m usually pissed off at the passenger who said something rude or stupid to me or I'm thinking about how I will feed and water 300 people in 2 hours and 40 minutes when half of them speak Spanish. I don�t think about the JAB�s fears or my parents or my family. But if I did I wouldn�t be able to go to work. Which means that I wouldn�t be able to afford my brand new used car which I love more and more each day.

To the family and friends of the victims of US Airways Express Flight 5481 my prayers and thoughts are with you.

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