Twas the night before Christmas

All is quiet here. Well not really. JAB and my dad are talking. This is what has happened for the past 3 days. I understand know why people always say that you "marry" people like your parents. They are both just willing to talk and talk all night long about things that don't really interest me at all.

The sad thing about the visit with my parents is that I am hit with the realization that my father is an alcoholic. I think it's called functioning alcoholic. That's what he is. He has drank so much on this trip and he is a mean drunk. The way I think JAB is at times when he drinks too much. I hate that I feel that way because in so ways my father is my hero. He's done so much for me and he loves me so much and I just wish I could like him. I love him but at times, like tonight, I don't like him.

Tomorrow is Christmas, as always JAB and I will exchange gifts after my parents leave. Then later on that night we're going out to dinner which my father hates. My father is from the old school where the woman cooks the meal and cleans up and he just sits down and says "feed me". I dislike that about him even though I think I have some of the same qualities. JAB does a lot around the house and I feel like I'm just sitting there like my dad waiting for him to do for me. Another one of those things that I want to change about myself.

I feel like I am spending a lot of time discussing negative things. I wish that one day I can go on here and say things that are positive. One thing I can say is that I didn't get stuck tonight. We did a very simple trip to Greenville and back. The whole bummer thing was the girl I worked with. She told me that she told her children that there was no Santa Claus because she didn't want her kids to believe that A big fat white man gave her kids gifts. It hurt my heart. It is the year 2002 and race issues on both sides are so prevelant. Besides I was thinking that Atlanta has 2 or 3 "real" Black Santa's. (Real is the one's who really have long hair and the beard and not the wig.) It just bummed me out a little. Christmas is the last holiday that is left for kids. We have taken over Halloween and Easter. I just wanted to say to her to let her kids believe as long as possible.

I found out about Santa when I was about 11. I wanted the Oscar Goldman Doll, for those who don't know or are too young. Oscar Goldman was on the 6 Million dollar man series. He was the boss of the OSI and the doll was actuall a Fembot, which at this point is too hard to explain but look it up on Google. Anyway, I was a nosy child and my mom went to the store and I was looking around her closet and I found all the gifts. I was so excited that I couldn't wait for Christmas so smart me went and put the doll under the tree on the 23rd hoping that my parents would believe that Santa came early. Of course I got in trouble but the thing is that I think I hurt them more than they were mad because at that point I lost a little bit of my childhood. Which I did. Even though in my eyes Santa does exist in one way or another.

To all Merry Christmas.

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