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I'm forcing myself to be in the Christmas spirit. I've made myself listen to Christmas music everyday even went as far as to watch Glee yesterday and downloaded two of their songs but it's not working it's not right. I do all of the Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays at work hoping that no one catches all that I'm just faking it. I don't really feel it. I used to love Christmas when I was a kid. I don't know it all changed. I want to remember when I loved Christmas when I wasn't just doing it just to do it and hoping it would go away soon.

My gifts are never good enough. The gift I get aren't good enough. Sounds selfish but I'm being honest. Why can't I just be the person I want to be inside. I'm serious. I want to be fun, I want to be all the things I want to be but in the end I'm just me which sucks.

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