Fear

I’m not sure why I’m having such a fear of my parents flying next weekend. I’m truly afraid. This is going to sound strange but please don’t judge me on it. A couple of weeks ago I was at work and I heard my Mom scream my name. Ok obviously my Mom wasn’t there but I heard. I heard it plan as day and I had to sit down. I was petrified. My mind went to whether there was something going on in there house or if I was getting some sort of premonition or whether I just thought I heard something. I made myself not think about it all day because I was panicked. Now since they are going on this cruise and they’re flying by themselves without me being involved at all I’m freaked out.

I have this strange habit of reading and watching things about plane crashes. I did it when I was flying. I can’t explain why. I think it was because deep inside I was afraid to fly. I am still afraid to fly. I enjoy it. I know it’s the quickest way to get anyplace. I would fly to my parents house before I would drive and they live 45 mins away but deep inside I’ve always been afraid to fly. So now my parents are going on a trip that I had nothing to do with and I’m a nervous wreck.

I know part of it had to do with the plane crash in Miami a couple of weeks ago and I think a good part of it has to do with the fact that I’m realizing that I’m getting older and my parents are too. I know I’m rambling on now but bear with me. I’ve always been there for my Mom more than for my Dad. I love my Dad but as I stated before we don’t have a great relationship or I should say it’s strained. My Mom and I are very close and I keep thinking about her saying that she worries about me more now than she did when I was a child and now I’m in that role. My mind keeps racing to plane crashes like this one and this one and I’ve read the Cockpit voice recorders transcripts and I can only imagine the fear that the passengers and crew went through. I couldn’t live with knowing that my parents went that way.

I know that there’s a 99.9% chance that they’ll be find. That I’m just worrying and stressed for nothing. I know that I can’t talk about it to them because it would freak them out since my Mom isn’t a fan of flying at all. I do feel a little better writing about it here since I’ve spoke my secret so to say. I want them to have a good time. I want them to go but I’m scared. Why is that and how do I let go of the feeling. I feel stupid for having these fears since I spent 15 years of my life convincing people that flying was no big deal. I never really told anyone that I was afraid to fly. I don’t tell people a lot of things.

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