Angry

I’ve been thinking about this all day. I had an epiphany. Ok maybe not because I feel that an epiphany should be something life alerting and really this isn’t. This week my job is having one of those state wide conferences. Some of it is boring some of it is pretty interesting. This conference is held in a hotel near the airport. I mean really near the airport. We’re right off the runway. During breaks I would sit outside and look at all the planes take off and land. I looked at our, (ok see I’m using our like these things still belong to me but I digress.) I looked at the General offices. I felt strange, not sad or happy, just strange.

As I was walking back to my car I saw two Delta employees walking towards me, I remember that Delta shares some parking with the hotel where my conference was. When I saw them, and their Delta ID, I became angry. I was angry that I had to sit in my car and calm myself down. I realized that all I wanted was to stop flying with Delta for a while. All I wanted was to work in the general offices and do training or supervision. That’s all I wanted and Delta told me over and over and over again that I couldn’t. I feel like Delta’s whore, they wanted me for what they wanted me for. I was good at serving cokes to people but I wasn’t good enough to go into management. There were/are people who are in management who don’t have the educational background that I have; they don’t have the personality or the work ethic. But they were “better” than me. Now I’ve had to leave and start over. I had to take a 20% cut in pay to be able to do something else that I could have done at the company that I gave 15 years too. I’m so angry with them. I have to get passed it but right now I just want to go over there and yell and scream and tell them how they not all gave up on a great employee but they’ve fucked up my life. Everytime I applied for a job and they hired someone who was just “a little more qualified” than me they took away my self esteem. Everytime they made me wear that uniform knowing how much I hated wearing it and how much I hated “serving” people, I feel like they’ve taken years and years from my life. They ruined my Christmas, They ruined my Thanksgiving and I let them do it in hopes that one day I would worthy to do something that 70% of the flight attendants didn’t want to do.

I hate you for what you’ve done to me but most importantly I hate myself for allowing it to happen. I will never be the same person ever again.

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