DAY FOUR OF TRAINING. PLEASE HELP ME

Please, please write me, comment or something. I’m dying here. I can say that I was happy to find a Mexican restaurant. They served Margaritas. The first one was very weak and I spoke with the waiter in my broken Spanish which some how impressed him so the second one was pretty strong.

The thing that happens when I drink is that it magnifies how I’m feeling which right now isn’t great. I want to talk to people. I want to have conversation but it’s not going to happen here. I’m so sad and depressed. I’m not really sure. I want company I want laugh and have a good time. Is that too much to ask?

When I had dinner tonight I was sitting across from a bunch of college kids. I started thinking if I was happy that I was past time or envied their naïveté. I really loved college. I mean I really did. I loved all of it and sometimes I think I peaked there. Is that normal? It’s like there was a part of me that realized that that was the best time of life. When I could goof and look forward to the drink specials on Thursday nights. It wasn’t like I was a slacker because I knew that I had 4 years to finish my undergrad but there was also a part of me that realized that this was a time that I didn’t have to take life so seriously. Of course I wonder if I had these feelings and revelations when I was actually in college because I also remember being very bored in college but of course right now I’m only thinking about the good things which I assume is normal.

Ok I have maybe 48 hours left here so do me a favor and either write something to me or something in your damned diary so I you’ll give some thing to read during my last nights here.

Thanks

dbfeb

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