I want Out

Today is JAB’s birthday. We had a descent day but in the end; alone with my computer, I’m mad and depressed. I really don’t want to get into too much because the more I read my old stuff the more I realize that I come across as a big huge whiner. I know that I am and I know I need to find a way to release it the way I tell other people to do.

That being said, I’m tired of this country. I’m tired of being Black in this country and I realized about an hour ago that I’m tired of being Gay. I wish I could cast some spell or take some pill to just be the average every day normal guy that I feel like inside. You see inside I know I have a skin tone but it doesn’t define me. I also know that I enjoy having sexual relationships with men but that doesn’t define me either. I’m just me. That’s all but I’m never allowed to be just me. I have to pick sides. I have to defend people or fight them because of my skin tone and I have to deal with other people who like sex with men because I like sex with men.

I’m tired. Like JAB said today. We need to take over some state where we can be around people who don’t really care if you’re Black or White or Asian or Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Transexual or whatever. Is this normal? I’m just tired of all the bullshit. Maybe I’m just getting old. I don’t know. Ok I’ve whined too much. Sorry.

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