Random Thoughts

I told my mother the other day that I was tired. She asked me if I thought I made the right decision. I asked her about what and she said about leaving my airline. I told her that I was tired and that I had to admit that getting up everyday was strange but I that I was happy. I really am. It’s been over a month since I’ve stepped on an airplane and I don’t miss it at all. I thought I would miss the days off but I don’t. Ok I do in some ways but I spent a lot of time doing nothing really. I would surf the net all day. Watch soap operas and talk to my other few other airline friends but that was about it. I wasn’t writing anymore I was just existing. The came out with the actual pictures of our uniform on actual people. I thought I would have a twinge of nostalgia or something. I did see that they added a turtleneck for men which kind of pissed me off because for 15 years I’ve been dieing to wear a turtle neck and now they’ve allowed it. But as I looked at the pictures I had this thought of I don’t know. Nothing. It’s strange.

I’ve also found all of these flight attendant blogs. I read them and I’m just kind of thinking, again. Nothing. The best part of being a flight attendant ended a long time ago for me. I always think of the Evita movie. I’m not sure if it’s in the real musical or not but there’s a part where Madonna, playing Evita comes into In Peron's apartment and address Peron’s younger mistress and say “Hello and goodbye! I've just unemployed you. You can go back to school--you had a good run I'm sure he enjoyed you” . I feel like that. I had a good run, I enjoyed it while it lasted but the last 3 years was miserable and it was so time to move on.

Now the thing is that with my new job the newness is wearing off and I’m seeing some realities.

1) I’m going to be the middle guy because I can get along with anyone which is a good thing and a bad thing I think. I truly play the whole spectrum of the personalities there but it’s going to be a shaky situation and hard not to piss off someone at some point and time.

2) I’m going to have a lot of work and I’m probably going to have to work some weekend days and I’m not paid very much.

3) Moving up is not going to be easy.

All that being said I’m ready for the challenge. I’m not ready for the small paycheck but I’m ready for the challenge.

I had two dreams which were disturbing. First I dreamed that Gladys Knight died and it saddened me. I’ve always been a big Gladys fan but mostly her old stuff. I know that one of the Pips died. I’m not sure which one but I thought I heard it on the radio. My Mom went to grade school with Gladys. In my dream I had to tell my Mother that Gladys had died and she took it really hard and I took it hard because they are so close in age (even though Gladys has shaved about 3-5 years off)

Then later I dreamed that I was friends with Jeff Gannon
. Not in a sexual way but that he invited JAB and I to dinner and I wasn’t sure if we should bring up the whole escort thing. JAB said that we shouldn’t and we didn’t. He had a very nice house and told me how happy he was that we stuck by him. Very strange.

Finally in this strange entry JAB and I have a chance to part of this potluck group with some other Gay men around town. All we have to do is email and put ourselves on the list. I’m terrified. I hate meeting new people. I’m so bad at it. JAB asked me if I’d done it yet and I hadn’t. We’ve met this very nice guy at Mary’s and we see him every Friday. I know he’s going to ask and I don’t know what to say. JAB is so much braver that I am.

Is it bad that I really should go to my parents house on Saturday but really don't want to go. I just want to do some work on the house. But I haven't seen them in two weeks.

my computer is performing poorly and I think I need to reinstall everything. I hate doing that but I think it needs to be done.

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